Autosexuality 101: The Autosexual Cheat Sheet

A Primer On Autosexuality

By Ghia Vitale

Photo Credit: Pexels.com

​Interested in learning about autosexuality? Here’s a cheat sheet full of definitions, clarifications, and more important information about autosexuality and other relevant topics.

Recently, there’s been quite a buzz about autosexuality on the internet. Elite Daily and OkDiario both published articles about autosexuality that mentioned me. I’m glad that people are finally talking about autosexuality because this conversation was long overdue. I think more people experience self-attraction, but they have yet to come across a name for there experience. By spreading autosexual awareness, I hope to reach other autosexuals, educate non-autosexuals, and promote the acceptance of autosexuality and self-love in general.

When I wrote my first article about autosexuality in 2015, I had no idea that it would get as much attention as it did. I was prepared to face backlash and mean comments. But once Metro published an article about autosexuality, more people started coming to me with questions about the subject. Ever since that Metro article came out, I’ve become especially aware of the fact that the same questions tend to pop up from different people. That’s why I decided to write a little Autosexuality 101 cheat sheet for anyone who wants an overview of what autosexuality is, my experience with it, and the topics surrounding it.

Let’s start off by clarifying some definitions that relate to autosexuality:

Definitions

Autosexuality - Being sexually attracted to yourself

Autoromanticism - Being romantically attracted to yourself

Self-attraction - Any form of attraction to the self.

Solosexuality - Someone who prefers masturbation over other forms of sex.

Self-love - Feeling love for yourself. This love isn’t necessarily romantic in nature (which is the case for people who embrace self-love and aren’t autoromantic or autosexual).

Self-engagement (also known as a self-proposal) - The act of getting engaged to yourself. Many people who do this get a piece of jewelry to symbolize their engagement to themselves.

Sologamy (also known as self-marriage) - The act of marrying yourself. Sologamy was put into practice by people who aren’t autosexual or autoromantic, but making a commitment to themselves and celebrating it.

Fast Facts

Bernard Apfelbaum coined the term “autosexuality” in 1989. He used it to describe people who sexually respond to their own touch, but have trouble with responding to someone else sexually. While autosexuals may fantasize about other people, they still only respond to their own touch.

I use the word “autosexuality” differently than Apfelbaum does. I first heard the term “autosexual” being used as a way to reference being attracted to yourself on a relationship website a little bit after I graduated college in 2013.

I am capable of responding to someone’s else’s touch, but I respond best when I touch myself. (I also enjoy my boyfriend’s touch.) However, I very rarely meet people who I want touching me in a sensual or sexual way. Also, getting used to someone else touching me took a while.

Is Autosexuality a Sexual Orientation?

According to Google, sexual orientation is “a person's sexual identity in relation to the gender to which they are attracted; the fact of being heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual.” By this definition, autosexuality isn’t a sexual orientation.

However, if you open up the word “sexual orientation” to include a defining characteristic of your sexuality beyond what gender(s) you’re attracted to, then autosexuality is a sexual orientation.

Many people (including myself) consider autosexuality to be such a definitive part of our sexualities. That’s why we choose to identify as autosexual. An autosexual person can identify with multiple labels to describe their sexual identities. For example, I am autosexual and bisexual.

Is Autosexuality the Same Thing as Narcissism?

Many people accuse autosexuals of being narcissistic. They assume we’re self-absorbed and inconsiderate because we’re attracted to ourselves. Yes, autosexuality is self-oriented, but that doesn’t mean autosexuals can’t recognize worlds that exist beyond ourselves. 

People forget that Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a clinical diagnosis that involves maladaptive traits. While people with NPD often think they’re better and more important than others (at least on the surface), I’ve found that myself and other autosexuals don’t hold the belief that we’re better than others. Also, it’s still very possible to be autosexual while suffering from low self-esteem.

There are experts who support the notion that autosexuality isn’t the same thing as narcissism. In a fabulous and anonymously-written BBC UK article about autosexuality, the writer includes quotes Dr. Jess McGowan of University College London regarding this topic. 

"Autosexuals are more comfortable sexually when in their own company, while narcissists crave attention,” explains Dr. McGowan. “Autosexuality is also not likely to be associated with a lack of empathy or desire to give others pleasure – sexually or otherwise – but rather a preference towards a private and personal sexual experience."

Another Doctor’s Opinion On Autosexuality

Dr. McGowan isn’t the only professional who thinks autosexuality isn’t narcissism. In a Global News article about autosexuality, Meghan Collie consults Dr. Jess O’Reilly, a sex/relationship expert and host of Sex With Dr. Jess, about autosexuality.

“I think that, to some degree, we’re all a shade of autosexual,” Dr. O’Reilly says in the article. She also thinks that body-shaming gets in the way of people embracing their autosexuality. In my case, experiencing fat-shaming made my attraction to my fat body feel confusing and “unjustified,” so I definitely think this could be true for other autosexuals.

Promote Autosexual Awareness 

Thank you for reading this article and learning more about autosexuality. Feel free to promote autosexual awareness by sharing this article with others. It’s about time the world got hip to self-attraction!