Essay: How Writing Love Letters To Yourself Promotes Self-Love

Self-Love Letters

By Ghia Vitale

Photo Credit: Pixnio

​Writing love letters to myself helps me love myself more and boost my confidence. Here’s why you should consider writing self-love letters to yourself.

​As many of you already know, I am autosexual and autoromantic. That means I am sexually and romantically attracted to myself. I’ve experienced the benefits of writing love letters to myself before and I want others to experience these benefits as well. Fortunately, you don’t need to be autosexual or autoromantic to write love letters to yourself. Writing a love letter to you can be a valuable exercise in self-love, gratitude, and healing.

Although I now enjoy a loving relationship with myself, I wasn’t always in love with myself. In fact, I spent most of my childhood and adolescence hating myself. When I was a sophomore in high school, I realized I was sick of hating myself. So I started making a conscientious effort to learn how to love myself instead.

Although I now enjoy a loving relationship with myself, I wasn’t always in love with myself. In fact, I spent most of my childhood and adolescence hating myself. When I was a sophomore in high school, I realized I was sick of hating myself. So I started making a conscientious effort to learn how to love myself instead.

When I began my self-love quest, I started off with one goal: learning how to appreciate (or at least not hate) my fat body. I hated myself for being fat because society taught me that being fat was the worst thing anyone could ever be. To help bring myself closer to achieving body acceptance, I started reading different books and resources that focused on improving self-love and self-esteem. I also started reading fat positive literature to learn about other views of fatness. Thanks to these books and resources, I learned about the importance of affirmations and self-care habits. One of the important self-care habits I learned about was the act of interrupting negative thoughts and replacing them with positive self-talk. I started editing my self-talk by writing down my negative thoughts, crossing them out, and writing a positive thought down instead.

Eventually, I came across a resource that made a powerful suggestion. I don’t remember the name of this resource, but I’m eternally grateful for it. Why? Because this resource said I should try writing love letters to myself via text message. That way, when I woke up in the morning, I would wake up to positive words and thoughts about myself. I’ll never forget how silly I felt on my flip phone, typing out a loving text message to myself and pressing the “send” button. Then I put my phone down and didn’t look at my text messages until the morning.

Surprisingly, when I woke up and read the text message, I felt more positive that morning. My positive attitude even lasted throughout the day. That’s why I decided to make self-love text messages part of my nightly and daily routine. With each text message, I learned how to be more compassionate towards myself and give myself the kind of compliments I wanted to hear from other people. I also included encouragement whenever I needed it. The only rule I had was that my messages to myself always had to be positive. The messages could never involve disrespecting myself in any way. As I wrote and read my self-love text messages, I started feeling better about myself. After a while, I actually believed the good things I was saying about myself!

When I was in my third year of college, I started writing serious love letters to myself. Sometimes, the love letters would simply be me expressing gratitude for being myself. But many times, the letters to myself included the genuine compliments and encouragement I needed to give myself. But either way, I noticed that writing love letters to myself made me feel good about myself. Thanks to these love letters, I was also able to explore the sexual and romantic feelings about myself more fully. Plus, on the days I wrote love letters to myself, I struggled with self-esteem a bit less than I did on the days when I didn’t write love letters to myself.

Now, I write self-love letters to myself fairly often. I’ve noticed that the practice improves my self-esteem and confidence. Perhaps your self-esteem could benefit from a self-love letter? You have nothing to lose by trying it out! You deserve the extra love in your life. To many people, the idea of writing a love letter to themselves is unthinkable. However, the exercise could be good for your mental health, so I strongly suggest that you give it a try.

If you don’t know where to start, begin your lover letter with, “Dear (insert your name here).” Then add in a loving statement like “I love you” or “I’m grateful to have you in my life.” It can feel awkward to say this stuff to yourself, but remember: You deserve the love!

Afterwards, think of genuine compliments to give yourself and write them down. Give yourself all the compliments, including some of the things that you’d like to hear from other people. If you struggle with complimenting yourself, write a bit about the characteristics you’re grateful to have.

Regardless of whether your self-love letter is a one time happening or continuing habit, you might just start feeling better about yourself. It’s important to love, appreciate, and encourage yourself. You’re the only person who will always be with you at all times. That’s why it’s in your best interest to love yourself more. I’ve definitely noticed that self-love letters usually make my day go better. Self-love letters are an instant dose of positivity. We could all use a boost of positivity every now and then.

I encourage everyone to write self-love letters to themselves. Your self-esteem will thank you for it.
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