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Surf's Up in Your Dating Life
By Paisley Hibou
Dating is hard and apps don't actually make it any easier. You may or may not want to further complicate an already complicated thing by dating a magical being. Take a mermaid, for instance. Hot or not? You decide! Though, let's be honest, you might never be faced with that choice. Of course, it's not impossible. What are your chances of actually matching with a mermaid on OkCupid? Probably greater than you think. Just remember all of the other surprising matches you've ever had. That buffalo herder-acrobat? Definitely a surprise. So if day ever comes that you match with a mermaid, you need to be prepared. Because the fact is, you might not realize you've matched with a mermaid until it's too late. First, you have to be a super sleuth. A mermaid isn't going to reveal their mermaid status right away. (Please note: mermaids' preferred pronouns are they/them.) You must study their profile and be sure not to overlook any of the details. Here are 7 signs that, when found in combination, mean your OkCupid match is actually a mermaid...probably...maybe:
1. All six of their photos show them in the water. You only see them from the belly up, because obviously they're hiding their fin. What they're not hiding? Their seashell bra. Oh, and it's glittery.
2. Their answer to "six things I could never do without" is very narrow. "Oceans, seas, bays, water, saline, seafood." (And there's no yacht in any of their pics.)
3. For the dating section, they choose "get married yes, settled down no." What are they going to do? Chain themselves to a coral reef? This is the only possible answer.
4. Their answer to "Are you afraid of death?" is no. Because of, you know, immortality and all.
5. Their answer to "Do you space out or dream a lot?" is yes. They can't be a magical being if they never dream.
6. Their answer to "While in the middle of the best lovemaking of your life, if your lover asked you to squeal like a dolphin, would you?" They know they'd be awesome at it.
7. Their answer to "To you, which adjective best describes hopeless, unrequited love?" is romantic (not creepy or foolish.) They read—and loved--The Little Mermaid! The Hans Christian Andersen version, obviously.
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