Satire: 5 Signs Your Campus Coffee Shop Actually Sucked

Java House? Try Java Joke.

By Paisley Hibou

Coffee, coffee, coffee! For many, college is the first place they really get in it. As a 'first,' like a first kiss or first love, campus coffee houses often become a thing of sappy lore. So when you're older and wiser, you gotta ask: Was your campus coffee house really that awesome? Or was it just the first coffee house you became attached to when you were young, care-free, and not yet saddled with student loans?

​Here are 5 signs that maybe—just maybe—your campus coffee house was mediocre at best:
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1. You only drank their coffee when you were hungover. Or recovering from an all-nighter.

2. You mainly went there because of a cute barista. Since then you've learned that cute baristas are a given and not unique to your campus coffee shop.

3. They never got your order right. Not that you really knew the difference between a cappuccino or a macchiato, anyway. 

4. People mainly used the space to study and check Facebook. Because the library was too damn small.

5. They put on scattershot events. You never knew what exactly what they were or when they were coming, only that they made the line between you and an espresso much longer.
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