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Self-Love Gone Wild
By Ghia Vitale
I’m autosexual (sexually attracted to myself) and autoromantic (romantically attracted to myself.) In other words, I’m in a relationship with myself. In the spirit of my self-engagement anniversary, I’d like to talk about 3 benefits I experience from being in a relationship with myself:
1. I enjoy special moments with myself.
Technically, you’re never alone when you’re in a relationship with yourself. You’re always in the presence of someone who loves you: you. When you love yourself, you’re able to get a lot more out of your alone time.
To be exact, I’m currently engaged to myself. I proposed to myself 2 years ago on World Goth Day (March 22, 2017), which is when I learned what sologamy/self-marriage is. It’s moments like these I truly cherish with myself. I don’t regret getting engaged to myself at all. I even bought myself some chocolate to celebrate.
Autosexuals and autoromantics have different ways of bonding with ourselves. With the right mindset, even just sitting around the house can be a special moment for us. Some of us really enjoy mirrors and incorporate them into our sex lives. Almost any moment we spend with ourselves can be precious.
2. I have sex as (in)frequently as I like.
When you’re in a relationship with yourself, you please yourself sexually and emotionally. When you and your partner are the same person, there’s no trouble with mismatched sex drives. Your lover is always on the same page with you.
My sex drive has drastically decreased over the years. I am free to pleasure myself as often as I like (often while thinking about myself), but I am also free to not have sex. Being my own lover reminds me that I’m reserving my “goodies” for those who deserve them and I am the most worthy of my goodness.
I don’t owe sex to anyone. That includes myself. I am always accepting of myself when I don’t want to have sex. I can’t say the same about other people. In dating situations, I’ve noticed the expectation for sex is often there. People have pressured me to reciprocate their sexual desires in the past. That pressure doesn’t exist in my relationship with myself.
3. Rejection is minimal.
If you’re doing well with your relationship with yourself, you won’t reject yourself. You’ll find acceptance within yourself. This has been my experience with being in a relationship with myself. Nobody can hang out? I get to hang out with one of my favorite people: me. There’s never a disagreement about what I want to do for dates because I’ll tend to agree with myself.
I say “minimal rejection” instead of zero rejection because it’s still possible to reject yourself. People reject themselves with negative self-talk, self-harm, and other ways. After years of doing those things to myself, I’ve finally learned how to say “yes” to myself. I still have days when I deal with low self-esteem, but I’ve learned how to think positively about myself and the world.
People who love themselves don’t talk badly about themselves. Being in a relationship with yourself is no different. I wouldn’t talk trash about a lover, so why would I do it to myself?
Everyone has a relationship with themselves. Mine is just sexual and romantic in nature. Exploring my autosexuality and autoromanticism has deepened my relationship with myself. If you’re thinking about getting into an official relationship with yourself, I highly recommend it.