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What I Mean When I Talk of Love
1. November is the season for la flâneuse
the yellow-dimpled air has this milky chubbiness, tonight, as i, count dust from your stars, my feet feel cold homeward northbound background radio turning caramel flicking an orange-burnt tongue leftrightrightleft my lips sting, from the distance they sense, from your smoky oesophagus my jaws slacken from awaiting the 5 o'clock shadow, i t s n o t d e n s e e v e n i n g j u s t y e t that splashed against yellow skin my carotid bleed from striving to listentowhispers about your dreams arranged carefully, in the twigs of bonsai snapped easily between my stubby fingers and my tin-eardrums split from dreamingnutsanddragons and pint-sized happiness that fluttered around my collarbones hearing your cycle click and stack against the blue wall, a airy-pile-of-lightness-resigned, bareblue wall, dareblue wall stripped-of-colour-where-your-woodhandle-rested my cornea has wept nights from longing to measure your finger-veins-like-leaves against my own stubbiness toolate toolate toolate it's too late for me to throw-off-the-weight-of-this-wanderlust-and-wannaknowitall-thirst, for me to grab green fingers and merge destinations iknowthisnowthat all the sand has seeped through fingers-of-glass each second is just a blue-green fluid, squirming in-my-lousy-thick-hand every dream of walking with you falls behind and the orange sun turns grey, my mind turns away intent-to-catch-the-meanderingnewodour-in-the-breeze, i-forget-what-it-is-i-was-so-intently-thinking-of-as-i-run-to-catch-the-shadow-of-a-silver-eyed-dragon-kite my salvation lies in drifting away not gripping-hard-redfat-knuckles-white. 2. Too little salt, too much sea sun-dried kite swept aside my tear seeped linen, when you sent your potbellied moon to shine on my pockmarked face sent me riding waves when i asked for candy-smelling summer rains sent me life beneath your crooked smile, the eye of storms in coffee cups sent me happiness capped like a ship in your glass jar that croaked, a prisoner-of-war stuck in reverse your poetry like your stones aimed for the sky your teethmarked bones ached for a lie and while you slept lowly clouds-a-rumbling, i detached your radio wires upset the moccasin shelf before rushing out-a-tiptoe, squashing lemon-tart-fed-red-rats spoiling garden wisteria by your window-pane as, dreaming of sun-brimming newer lives, i stood, rattling chains against my heart feeling too close to your panting happiness feeling the room too small for two when in your brown plastered bed enclosed in nicotinised arms happiness felt too small, our carousal ride was never meant to be this long such a shame, thus, my shoes that fill with your thoughts never quite reach my breast-pockets where i keep your prized ship-in-a-glass-jar hunger before happiness, it stands with me. 3. Holding Up The Sky, tell it all pours over me. The dust walks by me. The feet kiss scraps of unhindered paper. The wind grazes against the skin roughly. And, I walk ahead. Unmindful of what I leave behind. Among the butchered silence. My destiny was never bound to any place. Any name. Any memory. For there comes a time, once in a while, when the whole world outside is quiet, in waiting, and the only sound in the world is your heart pounding in your chest. 4. Till your shadow sets you free, you keep moving on, nay, you keep on moving. On nights like this a heady concoction of distilled beer and fags are a welcome. You think of a place, as you light up your cigarette. You think of the past. You weren't expecting it. You weren't expecting the place to outlive your memories. The place to survive your life and lives before, as you knew it. You thought it will have been razed down to the ground by now. For realities are harsh. Time attains a stasis in perpetual transformation. But harsher still, You are surprised to find your past, eagerly awaiting your return. You discover you've outgrown the place, in the end. It has outlived your past. Your memories are still aligned by the beaten roadside, glistening asbestos in the sun, reflecting your teary-eyed farewell seven years ago, forever on the lookout for that little girl who trudged the very path, clutching her parent's arms with tiny fingers, willing them to stop. So she could catch one last glimpse, absorb in her insides that pristine moment. I don't wanna go away. It hits you. Now. Now that you've let it be. People change. Sometimes faster than places. 5. Dark beyond the blue, the yellow Suddenly. Suddenly, this rain. Defeats you, catching you in one unguarded moment, all vulnerable, The hesitant shiver of skin, untouched, as it’s caressed by the water, cold. The unwavering silence broken by the soft dripping in the end of the street, The quivering shadows glisten below yellow street lamps. Neon. Suddenly, this yellow. Turn teary and oppressing. My solitude is marked by the distant whistle of train. And this. This interlude of grey rain, drab and dreary. 6. Bonfires in Eskimo nights brush aside bulrush-hairs-standing-tall push aside yearlongdifferences, i want to see it all bigjollyred maraschinolittlecherry moles adorn your shinbone blushingredrashes-fill-giggleberries pink untimely-uprooted-buff-stalkends of darkbristles-stare-naked show me how to fill arms with pulsating-brimming-happy-glands let it glue my wrists together, to where my teeth imprints a cicatrix guide me to surrender while wrapped across your acne-sickeningblotches-balloonsofblemishes painted epidermis teach me how to spell l o v e on yellow-scaly-palms so we can boast of our invention spread across the puzzle of intertwining-tendrils of our callousedfingers a little haven we strive to keep safe from the frowning-wrinkled-foreheads though not quite the frenchdoll in the mountain of your vanillabrownshoulders a-fairlydark-lady, foryoutogo boom into taking in your sorrow and cryptichappy-spitbubble-sparkling in smilingsun i can smell the distance between chasing-galaxies within our-arms-resigned-to a papercut-disagreement just let's begin so we can end it, before-the-sun-tiptoes-out-of-our-horizon.
#Unreal #Poetry #Poems #WhatIMeanWhenITalkOfLove #Love #Relationships
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