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The Sky Is Not Falling
By Emma Koch
Attention all readers: we will be experiencing
a cosmic lunar event tomorrow afternoon at approximately
12:07.314 pm, lasting the amount of time it takes you
to make pancakes Christmas morning or the length
of two of your deceased father’s vinyl records: whichever comes
last. To fully enjoy this unique occurrence experts recommend wearing
sunglasses in the shapes of cookie cutters or dancing
with your lover to Freddie Mercury’s “Killer Queen” depending
on what you find more age appropriate. Speaking
of age, did you know the next family member who will experience such an event
is either your great7 grandchild or great-13 grandparent depending
on if you’re a glass half empty or glass half full kind of person.
Although focus groups tell us both will find this event “enjoyable” or
“just what this country needs” one is statistically
more likely to believe that the enveloping darkness is a signal
of the coming Armageddon, but our chaplain on call urges you not to be alarmed
and reminds you that it is only God winking at us. When you go outside
with your children and raise your fingers as if the sky (the same sky, biologists urge us
to remember we have lived under all our lives) was a graffiti’d up Sistine
Chapel and the only word you knew in Italian was “old shoe”, remind them
that the next world is coming. We have no guarantee
its blackouts will be so welcoming. When its sun vanishes
you will have no way of knowing when it will come out again, if God
will open His eyes to let you know it was all a joke. So be sure to set your watches
because the next one will not be predetermined,
but built from your coal-black kitchen tables and jamboree radios and back yard churches.
Though we are not authorities on the subject
we think it will be quite beautiful.
#Unreal #Poetry #Satire #Apocalypse #EndoftheWorld #Human #Life #Celestial #Eclipse
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