Un-Advice: Batman, Casual Encounters, & Online Sex Safety

For The Love Of Batman

By  Ghia Vitale
QuailBellMagazine.com

Credit: Wikimedia

Editor's Note: This article is NSFW and for 18+ year-old audiences.

Somewhere, someone is suffering from unrequited lust. This man (or so his profile says) needs help with figuring out how to perform oral sex on Batman:

“How can I suck Batman's cock? 

Batman is MY hero and I want to thank him by sucking his cock. 

Thank you.”

No. Thank YOU.

Judging by the pictures that you’ve attached, I can see that you really, really love Batman. So I'm going to help you find him. Shine on, you crazy bat-signal; I'm going to assist you in making your sexy-shipping dreams a reality.

Hey, so long as Batman is into it, I don’t see why not. He might not want to lick a gift-blow job in the mouth, but he also might want to do just that. So long as you aren’t trying to fill some erotomanic fantasy by stalking the people who gave him life (or vice versa, come to think of it) or detonate “Batman’s” inbox with relentless messages. Try to see things from his perspective: he’s out there saving the world while there you are, lounging at home and pestering him for dick pics. That’s a sure way to smother any flames flaring out of his pants. So care about whether or not his crotch is on fire when asking him if he wants you to suck HIS dick.  Just keep this in mind when completing the next step.

Personally, I recommend going to the casual encounters section located just above the “rants and raves” section where you found my advertisement. Or missed connections. I think I’ve heard rumors that he hangs out there a lot.

Make a post where you ask him to contact you if he’d like to be gifted a blowjob as a token of gratitude. Remember: don’t pursue any Batmen with a particular fondness for flowers. Batman isn’t about to tarnish his good name by asking you to bring roses with you. Be warned: Batman may take any form, so don’t be too worried if he comes with a beer gut instead of chiseled abs. Be ready to take it to the next level and make responders prove that they are, in fact, Batman. The real Batman will never, ever show up as anyone under 18 years of age, so please check the ID for additional safety measures.

Try a Motel No-Tell so that you'll be safe when you meet Batman upon agreement. The "YES" doesn't count if he said it in your dreams. I know that he's a superhero, but please tell some where you are going and, preferably, what you intend to do once you are there. You might wanna do it somewhere outside because, well, just imagine what kind of stains THAT is going to leave on the carpet.

Happy blowing,
Ghia
 
P. S.
Readers, please don’t try to hold me accountable for your actions with a lawsuit. Meeting people for sex online is risky business. Please do it safely.

#AskLucy #Advice Unadvice #NSFW #18andOlder #OnlineDating #Craigslist #MissedConnection #Sex #HappilyEverAfter
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