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Built on Rock, not Sand
By Christopher Cruz
As a married 24 year old guy, the way that I think about Valentine's Day tends to be different than how my friends do. Friends usually respond in one of two ways. The first response generally comes from those who aren't in relationships. They treat the holiday with contempt, scoffing at the day's commercial nature. That is fair, I suppose. Valentine's Day, like most holidays, has been tainted by businesses vying for our dollars. And the truth is, Valentine's Day tries to remind those with nobody that they need someone, and that is a farce.
But my other friends, usually those with significant others, treat the holiday with veneration. It is the holiday for determining a relationship. It may be a good night or a bad night. If one unit of the couple decides that this holiday is important, and the other doesn't, then the one who doesn't might spend time in the doghouse.
But the truth is, no Valentine's Day outing will make your relationship better. No outing will save your relationship.
Let me tell you the way that I think about Valentine's Day. I generally try to do nice things for my wife Natasha. After all, she is worth it. But even though I take her to dinner at a nice restaurant, what I really like to do is take stock of where we are in our relationship. Think about the ways in which businesses conduct reviews of their executives. But the difference is, I take stock of myself instead of her.
Generally, when we conduct reviews, we evaluate other people. We look at the ways in which they benefit us. In doing so, we dehumanize them, making our happiness the final word. In my nearly four years of marriage, I have found that that approach to relationships tends to keep the relationship shallow.
I look at the ways in which I serve my wife. Is there a way that I can better communicate with her? Is there a way that I am not doing my best to make her feel secure in my love? Can I make her feel more appreciated? Asking these kinds of questions reinforces the notion that I care about her. It lets her know that our marriage is not on sinking sand.
Valentine's Day is a day ruled by grand gestures. But for me, it's a reminder that if I don't make the effort to know my wife's heart, it will be over before it's over.
#Real #ValentinesDay #Love #Dating #Relationships #Marriage #Boyfriends #Husbands #Girlfriends #Wives
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