Satire: Hurricane Preparedness

A Backwoods Guide to Hurricane Preparation 

By Gretchen Gales
QuailBellMagazine.com
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*Disclaimer: Though the following tips are fantastic, please make sure you follow the appropriate steps and precautions in regards to storm preparation.  Follow the link to the Red Cross Hurricane Preparedness guide here. 

We may have dodged Joaquin, but hurricane season isn’t over just yet.

Sure, there are the essentials like first aid kits, water, extra food, and an evacuation plan are all very important, but how will you survive a hurricane without the skills of a real backwoods woman?
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I was born and still live in rural Virginia. I’ve seen a few storms here and there, and have lived to provide our Fledglings with quality hurricane training!
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 Save Milk Jugs to Fill Up with Water
When the power goes out, your water does too. That’s right, when you live out in the boonies, your water doesn’t come from the county, but from your own backyard well.
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And if you can get over how your well might look like the one from The Ring, it’s pretty cool to have. That is, until the power goes out.
 
Unless you’re lactose intolerant, vegan, or don’t actually like milk, there’s more than likely milk in your fridge. The smartest idea is to buy it by the gallon at your local wholesale club, since paying money for a membership somehow means paying less money for everything else. You could recycle them when they’re empty, but why get rid of them? You’ll need as many as you can fill up with water and stuff in your fridge. It takes more time than buying water, but getting water from your own well is just more gratifying.
 
Buy Bulk Packages of Baby Wipes
No power means no water. Think that stored water is going to last you a while? Okay, maybe it will, but why waste perfectly good drinking water on something as frivolous as hygiene? Baby wipes are portable, so you can take a shower anywhere! Just remember that even though most are flushable, you can’t flush the toilet when the power is out either.
 
Macaroni and Cheese on the Grill
The power going out means you get to eat all sorts of things from the freezer before it goes bad. Eating all the ice cream is no problem; why let it go to waste?

But what do you do when you have other frozen foods that typically need heating in the microwave or oven? That’s where America’s favorite outdoor hobby comes in: grilling! Don’t attempt to grill anything while the storm is happening, but after the storm comes through and assuming you still have your grill, go ahead and place that pan of Stouffer’s macaroni on grill and soon enough you’ll have a delicious meal with the family!

#Real #HurricaneJoaquin #SevereWeather #BackwoodsGuide

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