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Oodles and Oodles of Come-ons
I am a 20-something heterosexual man who spent one day as a hot 20-something bisexual woman on OkCupid. Give me my Pulitzer.
Don't let this man fool you. He and I went on to have a great conversation. I'm actually extremely charmed and would consider meeting up with him.
I will state affirmatively now: I am not writing this article to condemn any gender. Generalizing is stupid. I wish to analyze this experience and perhaps expose some truth in the matter about modern dating, online or off, and how much sex plays a factor. I believe that it is more likely for a person to seek out sexual conquests than love. And love, at the heart of it all, is about friendship. It is not uncommon for a romantic pair to start off as friends, then friends with benefits, and then finally lovers. This OkCupid experience has left me wondering...Is it even about love anymore? Yes, it is, but sex can bring immediate gratification, especially with apps like Tindr. Love takes a long fucking time, and often ends badly. Nobody likes to have a bad time. And after all:
Plus, I like making fun of people on the Internet.
About myself: I've had a real OkCupid profile for about eight months. As of today's date, I have gone out on a grand total of one date from OkCupid. Not to say that I don't go out on dates often. I do. Just not with women I've met on OkCupid. See, in my experience, messaging a woman on OKCupid will take me about as far as a car with a dead battery. Why is that?
When I peruse OkCupid profiles, I am straight up superficial. I read a woman's profile because I am physically attracted to her. Reading about her is like researching for an essay, but it is all for the end goal of getting an A+ on the assignment. There's a seedy sort of deception to dating of any kind because, as much as I want to find someone that I can enjoy every (sexual and non-sexual) minute with, it's hard keeping this horn-dog unemployed for very long. To counteract my Nervous Nelly, I make it a point to only reach out to women on OkCupid whom I find of genuine interest.
I have done this experiment twice now with pictures of the same woman. Isn't she attractive? What a bombshell. I mean, GOOD-GOD-DAMN. For the profile information, I use VERBATIM the information in my real OkCupid profile. Make note of the interest in 1950s art house cinema and foreign films. This might be the first time in history that Tokyo Story has made anybody weak in the knees.
Just a few hours after becoming a woman on OkCupid, I had well over 200 views on my profile and more than 100 messages in my inbox. Wanna know how many messages my REAL profile has received OkCupid since joining in November 2013?
The struggle is real. Apparently fake profiles are rampant on OkCupid, and yet not once did anybody get suspicious—or at least say so in a message. On my fake profile, I even included a link to my artist website where my real name is THE URL. Not once did somebody inquire about that, though they stated they liked my work.
I am posing an an attractive woman to see how many men are genuinely interested in the me that is me as a unique individual. Fuck, I make comics. Fuck, I make movies. Fuck, I have my face photoshopped onto a Beluga whale. Isn't that interesting?
It's apparent off the bat when someone hasn't bothered reading my profile before messaging me. And it happens a lot. Gentlemen, you can do better. The dead giveaway is when they ask me what kind of art I make. I literally explain that in the first sentence on my profile.
By the way, on this single day, I was prompted by THREE separate couples to become their third wheel sex toy. In their profiles, they have restricted any men from that equation. I was contacted by some women, too, who were just as uninspired in their pick-up lines as some of the guys.
Here are screenshots from that last woman's profile:
I wish I were this pretty in real life. I've never been so popular.
I've had All-Star Superman listed as one of my favorite books on my regular profile forever, but only today did someone FINALLY ask me about it.
No surprise, I had the best conversation with this guy. He never asked me out. He was positive and nice. We spent the whole conversation talking about one of my favorite things: comic books. I just wish he had a picture of his face, so I could decide whether I wanted to fuck him or not.
However, this one guy would not leave me alone:
Even after I insulted him:
And he has sent me six additional replies since I ignored him:
I was messaged by this married man looking for a fling. Never, at any point, did I think I would resort to marriage counseling:
This man, whom I see not so much a cheater as being as lost and confused about love as I am, turned out to be very nice and kind. I actually bonded with him.
Guys, if you use this site, just don't behave like this guy:
I friendzoned the shit out of this motherfucker.
Perhaps so many guys are reaching out to me because my profile was written by me, a man, and in some archaic way they connected with my prose and jokes because they saw themselves in them. Pfffffffft, nooooooooo. I really think most of them just wanted to fuck me.
Men get lots of flack for being pervy or rude in the dating world. As if we have the intelligence of cavemen and all we want to do is fuck. I think everyone is like this. I think every human being on this planet—male, female, or other—has the intelligence of a cavemen and only wants to fuck. I mean, think about it, if you were allowed to just fuck the right person (or people) all day, wouldn't you? That's why OkCupid exists. It's just that beautiful women have to wade through far more unwanted come-ons from the wrong people than men.
#Real #OkCupid #OnlineDating #Romance #Sex #Millennials #ManPosingAsWoman #TheDatingWorld #HookUps
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