Bodies: I Am a Skinny Girl

We are miraculous, twigs and non-twigs alike.

Writer: Courtney Barron
Illustrator: Ajah Courts
QuailBellMagazine.com

I'm a size 3. Poor me right? I can fit into cute outfits, look “acceptable” in a bikini, and I don't know...do "skinny girl things" that only we skinny girls know about, things that keep us skinny and, no, you're not invited! I learned to value my skinny figure growing up, especially when people would say, “I hate you Courtney, you're so skinny.” Clearly I had something other less skinny girls wanted to have. But why did they want it? Probably because, like me, their favorite Disney movies growing up all had beautiful thin princesses who always won their princes. Maybe because our Barbies all came with tiny little matching outfits for their tiny little waists. Maybe because our favorite singers and actresses were all tall and thin creatures like the ones in every ad ever made. Our perception of what is beautiful clearly comes from our society relentlessly conditioning this into us from an early age. There is no disputing that.

Now let me just say this skinny thing is not by choice on my part. I don't starve myself. I come from a long line of twigs. One of my Aunts was actually nicknamed “Twiggy." It's genetics, and just like everyone, baby, I was born this way. Thankfully for those women out there with curves, the more voluptuous body types are more and more celebrated nowadays. My most favorite women in my life are of all shapes and sizes and they own their figures proudly. As they should. So now, “I hate you Courtney, you're so skinny” has at times turned into, “Real women have curves, thank you very much!” Fine. I mean, technically if I have a female reproductive system I'm pretty sure I'm a woman for realz, but I digress...

Only within the last few years have I been able to detach myself from my obsession with my thin appearance and get to know and appreciate the whole package. For all of my life my biggest attribute (being slim and fit), was also my biggest flaw because I let it define me, because I thought it had to. 

Thankfully I had an 'aha moment' in my mid-20's. That moment was thanks to a man person (let's call him Mr. Prickersen) that I met during my post-divorce disaster of a dating spree. One day he told me I was way too thin and he didn't like how my hips jutted out. Needless to say, we parted ways shortly after and I think he fell off a cliff, and NO ONE came to his funeral. Rightfully so! (I may have made that last part up, but anyway...) Begrudgingly this insult was good for me because it made me examine myself, my values, and my body. For a moment I felt what it was like to be looked down on for my physical appearance, which was something I had had very little experience with up to this point. The thing I had prized most was being insulted. The thing that I thought was desirable was not. And then I had a panic attack.

I think it was God or perhaps my own hand that smacked me back into reality. All of a sudden, for the first time in my life I began to see my body as more than this thing that I decorated, primped, and painted on for another person's pleasure. I realized that it's mine but oddly enough I was making its existence about everyone else BUT me. That's ludicrous, right? The answer is a resounding HELL YES! In that moment I wanted to be the most self-loving person on the planet. And, no, I didn't start by eating doughnuts because he said I was too thin. Forget him. He does not decide what makes me beautiful. It turns out, I do. Gasp!

I simply took a long look at the person in the mirror. It felt like for the first time I was actually acknowledging the woman before me and all the intricacies that made this outer shell of mine. My skin, hair, awkwardly moving limbs, millions of moles, and scars were actually being recognized as a part of me, not just a shiny coating. I embraced those lovely jutting hips of mine, and not because they meant I was skinny, but because they were a part of this person that as it turns out is pretty rad. It was a revelation as a young woman I tell you. 

To my fellow women I say this: How dare anyone make you feel less than because you aren't something other than who you are? We are not here for show. We are not fucking show dogs. We are miraculous little beings and we must be who we are and own that proudly. When that scary and inspiring day comes where we have an honest moment with ourselves and recognize this we really begin to know our beauty in all the right and healthy ways. This is not society's way, and society be damned. If beauty is in the eye of the beholder and no one else's, then really take a long hard look. Please. Your body is your temple and it is incredible. It deserves to be honored and loved. And absolutely no one other than you decides what makes you beautiful. Ever.

#Real #SkinnyGirl #BodyImage #MyBody #ShowDogs #FashionAndBeauty #ThisIsHowIFeel #ThinWoman #YoungWoman
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