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How Do I Tell My Best Friend That Her Ex/My Brother Has a New Girlfriend?
I would love some advice if you have any for me. My brother's ex girlfriend is my best friend and he now has a new girlfriend.. I don't know if she will but what if my friend asks if he has a new girlfriend?? Lying is very bad and I literally can not lie but I feel like if I tell her the truth it will be betraying my brother. So what's worse lying to your best friend or betraying family?? Please if you can help me with this I'll love you forever...
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's when there is clearly an enormous elephant in the room that no one's picking up after. If you want to house pet elephants, that's cool; I just refuse to take part in their maintenance. Elephants are wise creatures who deserve better than being cooked up in some stupid cage/apartment all day. This is one of those times. I don't have to shovel someone else's elephant crap and neither do you! Yet, all too often, the custodianship of other people's crap falls on us. We are not the Ringling Brothers, nor do we work for them. That is when you stop in the name of love and heed the wise words of the Spice Girls: "Stop right now. Thank you very much."
While this girl might be your best friend, she also dated your brother and to thrust you anywhere in between just isn't reasonable or right. That's a touchy situation. Any semi-reasonable person should be able to see that. It's hard to remember when you're stuck in a crazy situation, but I've got wonderful news for you: it's not your problem. :-) Besides, why does your brother care about her knowing about his new girlfriend if they're fully broken up? It sounds like you're their most common link. Still, you shouldn't have to shoulder the responsibility of keeping their relationship a secret.
Unless her screen name is Swimfan69, the worst that could happen in a civilized world is that your best friend cries and stalks your brother/his girlfriend on Facebook. If you outright lie to her about their relationship status, whether she cries more or less doesn't matter; lying is not a cute look. That's when you change the chance of the situation turning out well from "most likely" to "maybe" which, if I remember correctly, a high traffic transfer to the Nopesville train. Why bother getting off there when you can save yourself the trouble and take a more direct route? If your brother has a problem with you not going along with the lie, then explain to him how it's immature to hide your new relationship from someone whom he isn't dating anymore. Seriously, why bother? Especially when your ex is your sister's best friend. It's not like he started dating her best friend or something like that. (If he is, then that's a whole different issue.)
When I've been in similar situations in which someone asked me something like that, I have either said "I don't know" (if they're not official) or I wouldn't answer at all and let them draw their own conclusions. I assure you that "no answer" can be the best answer because what you're not saying is defined by the absence of an answer as opposed to an affirmative one. It's also a good way to cope if she happens to be obsessing over the lost relationship and you no longer desire to hear it. If you're comfortable with being her shoulder to cry on, then that's great, but remember that you're in a unique position. If you don't feel comfortable being confronted with their situation, tell them so or at least let them know the extent to which you are comfortable. You might have a problem hearing your friend wax poetic about their break-up, but you might feel fine helping her cope with the following sadness and give her some pleasant distraction simply by having fun and keeping that topic as far away as possible. Besides, contrary to popular belief, continually talking about your relationship doesn't necessary let out your feelings as much as it can contribute to the heart's festering. Cathartic sharing is one thing, but shit-talking is another. It's entirely reasonable for you to draw lines where you see fit.
Here's a life hack that I, unfortunately, didn't fully understand until much later in life: when someone ignores your explicitly or inexplicitly expressed wishes, they're either ignorant of the fact that they're doing it or they're trying to manipulate you or the situation. Manipulation thrives in silence. A manipulative person knows damn well that they're being sketchy, and direct toward fulfilling some agenda that *gasp* just cannot be discussed openly for no reason at all, admissions included. As demonstrated by chronic passive aggressive behavior, the best way to get around that is total directness. Voice any concerns that you have about boundaries and if they violate them, then it eliminates any needless debates about who's right or wrong.
If anyone's behavior makes you uncomfortable, tell them so. If they persist, then politely remove yourself from the situation. About politeness: it'll serve you well. You can't change other people's behaviors as much as influence them, so self-awareness. If anyone trespasses your boundaries, do say so and if possible, say it in a way that neither your words nor the situation can be spun against you. You do not have to sit there and deal with other people's behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable, especially when you've voiced your dissent.
tl ; dr Let them be the fuck-ups, not the other way around, and never feel obliged to put up with anything that makes you suffer the ratchet consequences of other people's decisions.
#Real #AskLucy #LucyStarface #Advice #ExBoyfriend #BFF #CaseOfTheEx #AintNobodyGotTimeForThat #Honesty
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