The Breadcrumbs widget will appear here on the published site.
The Breadcrumbs widget will appear here on the published site.
A.I. She lay on the hard chrome table The cold piercing her back- her arms to her side Eyes wide Piercing, as always- and large with fright. They didn't cover her mouth because They weren't programmed to care that she Would scream Programmed, as always- to no longer be "Superior physical specimen" so she'd be The prime means of physical Entity For them to explore and roll down, On the table dead, Onto the ground Back to the ground where humans grew Then grew metallic seed Through and Through The mistake that would Rip the ages into Machines Melissa Kohnberger is a 21-year-old Psychology major who is also minoring in Creative Writing.
The Breadcrumbs widget will appear here on the published site.
The Breadcrumbs widget will appear here on the published site.
You've Got This THING Under WrapsBy Caelon Reed QuailBellMagazine.com Editor's Note: We usually put our satire over in The Real, but since we're all about experimenting and wanted to try something new, we've casually snuck this piece here on The Unreal. Like it better here or on the other blogroll? Let us know! The end of summer is always a sad time that we try to put off as long as our 24 hour days permit. This is the time we get in those last minute “vacays” and road trips. I mean this is the end of our relaxation period. The next time period worth looking forward to is Halloween, and we have to approach that day with caution. What kind of caution you ask? Well, aside from planning the perfect-not-offensive-or-super-expensive-but-still-fun-and-comfortable costume for Halloween night, we have to be cautious of the “others” that will be lurking the town that night. Which raises another question for some I’m sure. Who are these "others"? The “others” are none other than mummies, of course! The name alone has me shaking in my flip-flops. Don’t fret! I have a few tips for just how to scare a mummy: • Fit in: If you’re brave and don’t freak out at the sight of a mummy, you could probably get away with dressing like one. You just can’t wrap yourself and think you’ll pass when faced by an authentic mummy. This method requires a great deal of time and effort. Though most mummies have been in their mummified condition for years, many are still fairly put together and are looking pretty good. You on the other hand don’t need to worry about looking like a neat mummy because then you’ll attract others that will want to converse and that is too risky. In other words, don't be a hot mummy. To be the best unapproachable mummy, you need to wrap yourself at least twenty-five times. Normal mummies don’t like approaching Hulk-looking mummies. There’s always that chance that you’ll run into another Hulk mummy, though, so make sure your smell is spot-on. As in, gross. Corpses are adorned with fragrances when prepared for mummification, and believe it or not, those fragrances last a LONG time. You, on the other hand, need to make sure you smell as awful as possible. Gather sewer water, onions, and cow manure to soak your wrapping cloths in a week prior till the day of wearing them. After about an hour of being entrapped in your newfound odor, you’ll get used to it. The bigger and smellier you are, the better. • Be a dragon: This mummy-scaring tactic is used mostly by folks who enjoy arts and crafts. If you are one such person, then this is the perfect method for you. Think loads of cardboard, green paint, glitter, etc. What else could scare a mummy more than an animal that could cause its demise in a matter of seconds? Nothing quite does the trick like a dragon.
The great part about choosing the dragon approach is you can join forces with your friends and become the ultimate dragon. Choose your dragon team accordingly and thoroughly practice your dragon walks and general mobility numerous times together before hitting the streets Halloween night. Otherwise you'll end up looking like a tripping mess. A mummy could easily notice a minor slip-up, and see you as a target. He will not only be after you because you're mortal, but also because you offended them by your attempt at trickery. Mummies hate being tricked. • Play "Rock, Paper, Scissors": If all else fails and you find yourself cornered by a mummy challenge it to a game of “Rock, Paper, Scissors.” Don’t be intimidated by the mummy's enthusiasm to play. They are great competitors and love a challenge. Since the mummy has been asleep for a few hundred or thousand years and missed out on a lot during that time, he's probably a little dopey. Tell him that these days, we play with our backs turned. You have about 15 seconds to pick up four of the biggest rocks you can find. Aim the first two at the mummy's head to knock him unconscious; use the other two to anchor his ankles so he can’t stand up. He won’t be sleep too much longer so use a pair of scissors (which should have been in your pocket in preparation for your Halloween costumes/crafts/just 'cause), to cut off all of his wraps. I advise you first shred his arms and legs so he can't get away or hurt you. Finally the mummy is nothing more than a heap of shredded paper wrap. Burn that paper and run home. Hopefully I have aided you with some great tactics to keep you safe on that inevitable Halloween night to come. Now you have months to prepare. Good luck! The Breadcrumbs widget will appear here on the published site.
Mud ShowBy Christine Stoddard QuailBellMagazine.com Clouds roll through a vast, azure sky. We see a boy's face, upside-down, with a tuft of hair glued to his upper-lip and small ballpoint marks like stubble dappling his cheeks. Monkey, age 10, hangs from a tree branch and peers at his reflection in a puddle. He wears a torn felt hat, rainbow suspenders, and Coke bottle glasses. When Monkey's glasses fall and hit the puddle, his entire collection of toy animals gets splashed. The zebra topples over and crashes into the baboon. Monkey retrieves his glasses, seizes his pimp cane and bangs it on the ground. Then he clears his throat and announces: “Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! What you're about to see may frighten you, but have no fear for I am a trained professional! I present to you a beast capable of incredible feats.” Monkey loiters for a second before heading to the makeshift cage beneath his favorite tree. A beagle huddles inside of the rickety box. Monkey lights a hoop swinging from the tree and then places his right hand on the cage door. The beagle whimpers. “Now...prepare to see--” Monkey opens the cage and the beagle sprints off. “Hey!” He shouts. “You're still have to jump through the ring of fire!” Monkey wilts before the empty cage and flaming hoop, the failed ringmaster. Later in the day, Monkey shuffles down the road, kicking up dust. Monkey spots a poster nailed to a telephone pole up the road. He races toward it and sees an announcement for a traveling carnival. There's a short list of acts, including THE DENVER DAGGER. There's also a note saying: FREE ADMISSION TO ALL PIE COMPETITION CONTESTANTS! Monkey rips the poster off the pole and runs back to the sagging Victorian on the edge of town that is his home. Pearl, age 30, Monkey's mother, is washing the dishes. She is pretty in a Midwestern farmer's daughter kind of way, but tired beyond her years. Pearl finds comfort in the sound of running water until Monkey barges into the house. The Breadcrumbs widget will appear here on the published site.
The Breadcrumbs widget will appear here on the published site.
A Little Book of Poetry Called Modern ArtBy Claire Ledoyen QuailBellMagazine.com The last museum I visited was MoMA PS1, an affiliate of the Museum of Modern Art in Long Island City, New York, to see Pakistani-born artist Huma Bhaba's exhibit "Unnatural Histories." The exhibition, primarily sculptural, encouraged an aura of desolation, obscured primitivity seeping into decaying modern structures. "Unnatural Histories" was a penetrating and trenchant recognition of the effects that man-made history has on modern culture. The exhibit smashed together aesthetics of prehistory with instantly recognizable images of consumerism, such as the Volkswagen emblem, with throw-away materials like styrofoam and chicken wire. Afterwards I wandered around MoMA PS1 hoping to find something else that would grab my attention as fully as Huma Bhuba's work. However, many of the other spaces in the museum presented art that fell a little short. I couldn't believe that people would pay so much money to such a prestigious institution to see some of this stuff. Maybe I'm not creative or visually inclined enough to get it, but I felt frustrated with the seemingly senseless and ineffective pieces I came across. So, I wrote a little book. A friend of mine had recently requested a care package including some new poetry, and I was feeling strong impulses from the art I was seeing. I wrote a very short book of very short poems called Modern Art, and you probably shouldn't take it too seriously. These are the poems I included:
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