Column: Quail Under The Quilt (6) 02/09/2012
Mistress Francisca on Older Lovers By Mistress Francisca QuailBellMagazine.com Mistress Francisca is a very special dominatrix. Throughout hundreds of years in history, the “Immortal Mistress” has appeared, always in the shadows of powerful men and women, humiliating some, and empowering others. Outside of her profession, she heralds a wealth of stories of those who’ve taken her services and bowed under her whip, which makes her a delight to have a parties, if those attending can get over her slightly unnerving gaze. Her ageless appearance is legend second only to her skills at making men weep within 5 minutes of meeting them. Age Differences The woman I’m seeing is a bit older than me. Well, a lot older than me. We get along great and all, but I’m just worried about being able to satisfy her. She is way more experienced than I am and I’ve never had sex as good as I’m having right now. I want to be able to return the favor. Do you have any tips for a young man eager to please? -Young and Willing Young and Willing, huh? We'll see. When an older woman takes on a younger lover, the likelihood of her actually liking your company is rare. More likely she's adding you to her collection - young, dumb and full of cum. Older women reach their sexual peak at age 30, while men who reach that age become increasingly fat and unsatisfying. Faced with serial flaccidity, inaccessibility due to beer bellies, and short sessions, she'll settle for a young man full of passion and vigor, who might shoot fast but reload quick. You want to please your woman, make yourself stand out from the rest? Bow to her control. She knows exactly what She wants and how She wants it. You know nothing and until she sees some promise, you are nothing. Your bumbling fingers and tongue are close to disgrace to Her womanly prowess. Get on your knees and humble yourself at Her feet. Follow Her instruction, and you’ll open up a world of possibilities. However, before you can even begin to prove yourself as a competent lover, you will need… conditioning. You, young man, are just like all the young men in history – obsessed with your own short-lived satisfaction, the selfish spilling of seed, failing to consider the intricacies of your partner. A barbed cock-ring will take care of that; your pleasure will boil just under the surface, but instead of a climax of ecstasy, you’ll feel the agonizing pain of anti-satisfaction. This will teach you the disappointment that She experiences with a worthless lover. You’re not allowed pleasure until She allows it. Savor Her touch, even if She slaps you. If She wants to teach you the pain of childbirth with a leather-gloved hand, you will learn to enjoy it. Learn to love every punishment She reigns on your insignificant body, and then enjoyment can begin. Sex is a battleground. You face off with Her in furious combat - you with your sword, Her with Her hips – both fully aware that a single error might cost you your pleasure, your life at this age. For every ten minutes you fail to bring her to orgasm, she will strike your body with a reminder of your failure. If you survive this, you will surely be above and beyond any of her previous lovers. And remember, most of all, to enjoy yourselves. When I take a young lover and break them in, nothing is quite as exciting as coming home to a bed covered in plastic wrap and infinite possibilities. Have a question about sex? Send your question to submissions@quailbellmagazine.com and one of our four resident sex experts will answer and help you figure out all the burning problems you're experiencing in the bedroom! Add Comment Contest: Eww! 02/08/2012
What makes you go 'Eww!'?Tell us what disgusts you and submit a piece of creative work--a poem, a photo, a drawing--to accompany your entry. Your submission could go up on QuailBellMagazine.com and you'll automatically be entered into a drawing for a one-year subscription to Quail Bell Express! Send your entry with your name and contact information to submissions@quailbellmagazine.com by March 8th! 
Woodbridge, VA's Storybook Land 02/06/2012
The Storybooks South of Washington, D.C.By Christine Stoddard QuailBellMagazine.com A Washington City Paper article dated January 20, 1995 starts out with the line, “Mother Goose is dead.” While we know just the opposite to be true at Quail Bell Magazine, we cannot contest what the article goes on to explain: Storybook Land, a beautiful amusement park once situated in the Washington, D.C. suburb of Woodbridge, Virginia off of Route 1 is indeed dead. 
Photograph by Bill Reeves From 1959 to 1981, the park delighted not only Washingtonians, but also numerous tourists who traveled the Baltimore-Richmond corridor during the height of animated Disney films and The Rocky & Bullwinkle Show's “Fractured Fairy Tales.” Storybook Land displayed 140 life-size figures and about two dozen buildings on 10 acres all themed according to Grimm's Fairy Tales and Mother Goose's Nursery Rhymes. Highlights included “The House That Jack Built,” “Three Little Pigs,” and “Mary & her Little Lamb.” The park also boasted pony rides and midget racers. Kings Dominion in Doswell, Virginia posed a major threat to Storybook Land when it opened in 1975, eventually putting the mom & pop venture out of business. With bigger, faster rides and 400 acres full of commercialized fun, Kings Dominion was truly modern and mammoth compared to Storybook Land. One of the most popular features of the new park was The Happy Land of Hanna-Barbera, which included a junior wooden coaster called “Scooby Doo.” Meanwhile, Storybook Land still maintained its slogan of “The Magic Forest of Make-Believe.” Adorable, perhaps, but hardly serious competition with its lack of a contemporary mentality. Today, as Wikimapia.org will tell you, “Not much is left out there now other than some random odd brightly colored scraps of fiberglass and rotten wood with rusty nails...” For all you nascent researchers out there, another similar but now defunct park was The Enchanted Forest in Ellicott City, outside of Baltimore. 
Original map given to Storybook Land guests Mythical Creatures 101: the Firebird 02/06/2012
The Firebird By Julie DiNisio QuailBellMagazine.com  Very few mythical creatures are as lovely and endearing as the firebird (also known as the phoenix), so it’s not surprising that it is recorded in many culture’s mythologies. The firebird is an avian creature with feathers of red, gold, orange, and sometimes even blue or purple. In many artistic depictions, it resembles a stork, heron, or peacock. Eastern and Western ancient cultures have stories about the firebird, most of which portray it as a harmless creature, a token of well-being. The birds are alleged to live for about five hundred years, and at the end of their life, they ignite into flames; then, another bird appears, either a new one or the same one reborn. Because of this, the firebird is the symbol for rebirth and immortality. In Russian literature, the firebird attains this immortality by eating golden apples. It has a beautiful voice, pearls fall from its beak when it sings, and its songs can heal the sick. So if you’re lucky enough to find one of these birds, keep it around for a while! History of the Cathedral of the Sacred Heart 02/05/2012
A Quiet History By Julie DiNisio QuailBellMagazine.com 
Right in the middle of downtown Richmond, Virginia, around the hustle and bustle of Virginia Commonwealth University, sits the Cathedral of the Sacred Heart. It’s an architectural beauty but an anomaly in the student dominated scene. In all reality, VCU is the out of place one. The Cathedral of the Sacred Heart was founded in the early 1900s, decades before the school. And it is far physically superior to any of the college’s buildings. Upon passing through the majestic Corinthian columns and entering the enormous oak doors, I was greeted with quiet. Pure, unadulterated quiet. The quiet that only churches, museums, and other buildings of great importance can achieve. It greeted me like an old friend. In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, I had forgotten what this kind of quiet sounds like. The Cathedral of the Sacred Heart isn’t always this hushed, though, as it serves as the Mother Church of the Diocese of Richmond (meaning it is the head Catholic church in Richmond). Masses are held every day, some of which are designed to meet the scheduling needs of practicing VCU students. It also has over 40 ministries to actively involve all parishioners. All of this community engagement started on November 29, 1906, when the Cathedral of the Sacred Heart was consecrated. Just three years earlier, Archbishop Diomede Falconio (Apostolic Delegate of the U.S.) laid the cornerstone, taken from the Garden of Gethsemane. The cathedral was designed by New York architect Joseph H. McGuire, in the Italian Renaissance Revival style, and completely paid for b Thomas Fortune Ryan and his wife, Ida. Ryan, a wildly wealth business tycoon with a charitable disposition, gave today’s equivalent of two millions dollars for the cathedral’s construction. On November 29, the procession to the new cathedral was lengthy and featured many prominent Richmonders and Catholic figures. The consecration of the cathedral took three hours, and once done, the first mass was held with hundreds of people in attendance. Catholic or not, the Cathedral of the Sacred Heart is worth a look for its history and beautiful design. Even better, though, it can reintroduce a missed friend – quiet. Sex Through The Ages: Ancient Greece 02/05/2012
Pederasty, Rape and Inequality, Oh My! By Jade Miller QuailBellMagazine.com  Humans have been very eager throughout our existence to practice one thing to further the species. No, not science. Not medicine either. Certainly not philosophy or fine art. Instead, we decided to really put effort into sex – over and over and over. And people have been gettin’ it on in a variety of different ways, almost entirely depending on the historical period or the culture of the time. In Ancient Greece, domination was the name of the game. Men were the ultimate rulers and women were lowly property. A married woman couldn’t even walk in the marker without an escort and oftentimes men would lock their wives away in their homes when they went out to conduct business. Female children, the ones not sold to a brothel or outright killed, were not educated and were given away to the highest bidder, usually a man several decades her senior. These young girls, as they were still girls, often died early during childbirth. However, as a wife’s only job was the produce heirs and do labor within the home, it didn’t much matter that she died as long as she produced a boy before doing so. Within this male-centered society, the penis is king, even seen as the symbol of fertility. Zeus, a male god, was the one giving birth to all the other gods and goddesses – making him both mother and father. With Zeus as a role model, Greek men frequently practiced rape, a ‘right of domination.’ The target of the rape was not important, be it slaves, prostitutes, other men or even their own wives, as being the one doing the penetrating meant control and domination and that was what ultimately counted. This brings us around to the homosexuality practiced within Ancient Greece. Most homosexual relationships were between an older man and a young boy. Called paiderastia (boy love), this bond took place between an erastes (the older man) and the eromenos (the young boy). The erastes was there to teach, be a role model and love the eromenos, who provided beauty and youth in return. Since a boy was not considered a man until he could grow a full beard, these relationships were men in their 30s and 40s and boys from around 12 to 17. There was also quite an elaborate social code revolving around this practice, where the man had to prove his love and almost court the young boy, before the boy would give into the desires of the older man. Yet, even with paiderastia running rampant, homosexuality between adult men was rare, neither one wanting the stigma of being the one to submit and be penetrated, thus lowering himself to the same position as a woman. Within the art of Ancient Greece, one can see the effects of paiderastia. The images of men during that time were drawn and sculpted with very small, boy-like penises, as that was the ideal in beauty. This can be seen in great contrast with Ancient Rome, where the large and outlandish penis was much more prized. The outlier in the Ancient Greek way of life was Sparta. Though a woman’s role in Sparta was to be a wife and mother, the amount of freedom experienced by Spartan woman was extreme compared to other Greeks. Spartan woman, from birth, were treated as equals to male children. There were allowed to go to school and learn both physical sports as well as philosophy. Another huge difference is the age at which Spartan women were married – 18, instead of 13 or 14. Spartan women could not get married until they would enjoy sex, something impossible with a child and was even considered an act of violence among Spartan men. Obviously, pederasty was also not practiced in Sparta. Since the men married their wives at a younger age (early to mid 20s) there was no real times to experiment with homosexuality and being a bachelor with no children was actually looked down upon, the man considered a disgrace to his country. The closeness in age and the need to produce children made men more intimate with and true to their wives. Ancient Greece, as a society, runs from one end of the spectrum to the other. From male gods giving birth to women being treated as equals to the love between a man and a boy, one can look at today’s sexual oddities and maybe begin to realize where they stem from. Column: Quail Under The Quilt (5) 02/02/2012
Dr. Sev Sudo on Shaving By Dr. Sev Sudo QuailBellMagazine.com Sev Sudo has a Doctorate in Theoretical Physics, a Master’s in Engineering, and is a licensed sex therapist. Using his expertise, he has invented a device that uses a miniature Alcubierre drive to communicate with the past, so he can provide valuable sex advice and thwart a devastating Sexpocalypse – a singularity of sexually transmitted diseases and sexual ignorance that has ravaged his timeline. If he can help the primitive peoples of the 21st Century overcome sexual ignorance and intolerance, he could save our future. Personal Grooming I’m having trouble with personal grooming. Not the act, but the style. I feel like every woman's magazine I pick up tells me something different -- a landing strip, trimmed yet covered, bare it all, au natural -- it's too much for me to handle! I need to know, once and for all, what's the best amount of coverage for a young woman to sport? -Shaveless in Seattle Listen VERY carefully. Grooming your pubic hair is a matter of life and death. If you don’t take the proper steps to defend yourself, your well-being could spiral into a crisis of horrifying proportions. According to historical accounts, people in your time saw an uptick in men and women completely shaving their genital areas – a perfectly understandable and seemingly hygienic trend towards glabrousness in response to which explains a small part of the problem. You see, it turns out that pubic hair serves as a natural defensive barrier for preventing a deadly, ancient, sexually transmitted parasite from entering the vaginal canal. A creature so horrifying that, despite its long period of inactivity, persisted in myths across the history of the world as vagina dentata. Ancestor to cymothoa exigua – the tongue-eating louse – this creature went long unnoticed for years, thought never to exist, but returned in the late 21st Century to the horror of men and women alike. This parasite is highly versatile, able to survive in both fresh and saltwater alike, and resistant even to contraceptive picomachines. Much like its more commonly known descendent, the cervix-eating louse swims into the vaginal canal, consuming the cervix, and replacing the organ with itself. Most alarming, some women never even realize the parasite has taken home until, during coitus, the louse feeds on the glans of the male’s penis. Textbooks fail to truly capture the sensation of horror for both parties, when the man withdraws his penis only to find a hemorrhaging stump. Unfortunately, this is only the beginning of the horrors to follow, as the creature’s second stage of infection is a far cry from this somewhat harmless, more common event. In response to this, many people would just say “Don’t go swimming in lakes,” but unfortunately, although rare, incidents where the cervix-eating louse has entered home water supplies do happen, and the only natural defense against these creatures is your very own pubic hair. Apparently, the coarseness of the hairs severely inflames the carapace, until the parasite becomes irritated and moves on. There are more efficient and aesthetically pleasing alternatives for the individual who finds their pubic hair unpleasant, but still enjoys baths and swimming. There’s carbon nanotube swimwear, for example, which is somewhat costly, but certainly sturdy enough to thwart the fabric-rending horned skull of the cervix-eating louse. Most effective, but unpopular for various reasons, is a spatial disruption bead. The bead, inserted vaginally, vibrates at alternating exponential rates, creating a dimensional void that eliminates the louse by removing from existence. Some reasons for its unpopularity might include side effects such as upset stomach, loud noise, and spontaneous disintegration, but many of these side effects are nothing to worry about. So, to answer your question, I recommend not only to refrain from grooming your pubic area, but to ensure that it maintains a thick, coarse appearance. However, if you choose not to follow this advice, for whatever reason, please make sure to wear clean nanotube swimwear, or insert a spatial disruption bead whenever you bathe or go swimming. Have a question about sex? Send your question to submissions@quailbellmagazine.com and one of our four resident sex experts will answer and help you figure out all the burning problems you're experiencing in the bedroom! Dead Stuff: Forest Find 02/01/2012
Forest FindBy Mark Stoddard QuailBellMagazine.com 
Rappahannock, VA Fashion Picks: Evil Queen 02/01/2012
The Evil QueenBy Tykeya O'Neil QuailBellMagazine.com 
Black Cotton Leggings @ Eve's Clothing Black Suede Over the Knee Platform Boots @ Ami Clubwear Ringspun Shawl Collar Coat @ Asos Lace Corset @ Asos Banquet Fashion Jewelry Wood Bead Chain Necklace @ Sears Blood Red Lipstick @ Manic Panic Get Crafty this February By QB Social Butterfly QuailBellMagazine.com 
If you’re a lucky enough Quail Bell(e) to live in San Francisco, California, then you have the advantage of living around the corner of the Museum of Craft and Folk Art. This museum gives folk art a contemporary twist that many institutions lack. If you can, check out some of their winter events. The current exhibit, FIAT LUX with Randy Colosky, will be installed until February 25. It features work “exacting physicality using commonplace and industrial materials altering the standard functions of traditional craftsmen processes with a strong emphasis on architectonic.” I’m not entirely sure what this means, but you should go and find out for yourself! February 4, 2:00 pm Artist Talk with Randy Colosky Free admission. February 11, 2:00 - 4:00pm Make It @ MOCFA: Stencil-Style Get a head start on Valentine’s Day, and make your loved one a unique card. Admission is $5. | The Real
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