Rant: I'm Sexually Boycotting Everyone Except My Boyfriend

Sexually Boycotting Everyone Except My Boyfriend

​By Ghia Vitale
@GhiaWasHere
QuailBellMagazine.com

As of today (December 17, 2018), I am sexually boycotting everyone except my boyfriend. I’m polyamorous, but at this current point in my life, my boyfriend is the only person I trust enough to have sex with. The reason for this sex strike is because people (read: mostly men) expect sex from me for no effort in return. I am tired of being used for my body and sexuality. This sex strike will protect me from being taken for granted and used for intimacy. It also helps me assert my sexual autonomy and demand better treatment from potential partners.

Anyone who knows me knows I used to have casual sex. I used to be “The Easy Fat Girl” who had low standards. I used to sleep with people immediately and expect no commitment. However, due to this lax attitude, I found myself having sex that didn’t fulfill me. The people I was having sex with didn’t put any effort into their connection with me. I will no longer have sex with people who don’t offer me fulfilling relationships in return. Sex isn’t fulfilling for me when the person isn’t emotionally invested in our relationship.

Over the years, I noticed that people (especially men) expected me to be sexual with them quickly. At the same time, they’d claim they “didn’t want anything serious” yet they wanted to rush into sex. Most men act like getting to know me is an obstacle to sex. It’s like they’d rather fast forward through hanging out with me to get to the sex part. They want boyfriend privileges with none of the commitment. I no longer go on dating apps because of this.

Meanwhile, I have an actual boyfriend who’s kind and loving to me. I’ve been with my boyfriend since high school. Having sex with him is something I do for fun. He respects me. He’s invested in our relationship. He goes out of his way to show that he cares about me. However, almost everyone else I’ve slept with in my teens and twenties besides him has put zero effort into our relationships. Most of them never bothered to take me out for even a single date. That, or they go a long time barely acknowledging my existence, only to expect intimacy when we finally see each other again. Now, I’m expecting more out of the people I sleep with.

Earlier today, I was indignant about how a former friends with benefits treated me. He makes no time for me, and on the very rare occasion we do see each other, he expects me to be intimate with him. He isn’t the only person who has done this to me. That’s when I have an idea: I could boycott people, but sexually. That’s when I decided to do a sexual boycott.

A boycott is the withdrawal from commercial or social relations with a country, organization, or person as a punishment or protest. My sexual boycott is happening in response to sexual entitlement, being used, the expectation that I should be sexual, being a victim of sexual assault, and being taken for granted by the people I was being sexual with.

I am sexually boycotting everyone except my boyfriend until they meet certain demands. Even meeting these demands doesn’t guarantee I’ll have sex with someone. From now on, in order for me to have sex with someone, they must fulfill the following requirements:

They must put effort into their relationship with me. They must take me out on multiple dates. We need to hang out regularly. They need to make time for me. They need to prove to me that I’m a priority in their life. Don’t give me the bare minimum effort and expect any intimacy from me, even if that intimacy is cuddles and kisses.

They cannot simply do the bare minimum and expect me to have sex with them. Don’t only have #NetflixAndChill dates with me and expect to get a piece of my fat ass. I want to date someone who’s proud to bring me in public, not someone who’s going to shut me away in their apartment.

They have to prove to me that they value me as a person. They also need to respect that as a polyamorous person, I’m open to having multiple relationships, but I’m not down for casual sex or having friends with benefits. If I have a relationship with anyone besides my boyfriend, it has to be the real deal, an actual relationship and not a vague situationship. I will not settle for fuck boys and people who just want to fuck me to pass the time.

We need chemistry. As in, real chemistry. We also need to have things in common like similar ideals. There’s basically no point in pursuing a relationship with me if we don’t see eye to eye on a lot of stuff. I’d rather not date someone whose views make me cringe. If you actually respect me, you’ll respect my wishes.

They must keep in contact with me and be there for me, especially when things get rough. I expect anyone I’m fucking to be fully present in my life. There were some friends with benefits who hardly even checked up on me when my mother died. That shit won’t fly anymore.

They can’t ask for nudes or be pushy about sex. The more you ask, the less I want you. If I say no once and you continue to ask, you’re out of my life for good. No exceptions.

They can’t ask me to shave my vagina or armpits. I like my hair. I’m not shaving it because your square ass has a problem with it.

Condoms aren’t optional. They’re a necessity. I’m literally never having sex without a condom. I don’t care if you claim you’re clean and tested. Nobody’s boner is that important to me.

Once again: Fulfilling these demands doesn’t guarantee sex. I have the right to reject you and sex at any point, for any reason.

If I decide to be sexual with you, for the love of science, do not take me to a fucking motel for sex. I am not a hooker. (People have literally done this to me when I've met them online. I won't accept it anymore.)

I’m only one person. I can only do so much. In response to my dissatisfaction and mistreatment, denying people sex seems like the most powerful statement I can make at the time. By not being sexual with people, I’m asserting my personal boundaries and setting my standards. I’m raising the bar for how I expect to be treated. I’m making sure that I’m getting something out of a relationship before I have sex. It’s also my way of punishing people for treating me badly. I am tired of being taken for granted. I only want to sleep with people who make my life a better place. I’m not exactly doing this because of feminism, but feminism supports my decision to sexually boycott everyone except the one person who’s consistently showed me respect: my boyfriend. When I don't want to have sex, my boyfriend respects it. Other people need to start doing the same.

If you want to fuck me, you’ll have to actually give a fuck or ten before I even consider fucking you. Until then, consider yourself sexually boycotted. I am reclaiming my body and sexuality as my own. From now on, nobody besides my boyfriend gets to indulge in my sexuality until they can satisfy my demands for a relationship, respect, proper dates, and an actual presence in my life, not just crumbs of attention via text or social media.

Remember: You have control over your sexual autonomy. Do what you feel is right. If you want more respect, demand it. I will no longer consider having sex or being intimate with anyone who doesn’t make the concerted effort to respect and value me as a person. 

Honestly, my sex drive has been low for a long time now, so I won’t miss the extra action. I’m enjoying the sense of control this sex strike has given me so far. I’ll keep you updated on how my sexual boycott goes.