Mirror, Mirror Stuck to the Wall
Cinderella thought she had found her happily ever after, but what she had found was a perfume soaked red cape in the back Prince Charming’s carriage. And it wasn’t hers! The fragrance reeked of a generic brand. Jerking it away from her nose, she immediately suspected the dark haired do-gooder that lived just up the forest. Besides traipsing around barefoot and wearing homemade jewelry, she shacked up with seven stunted creepers and was constantly flirting with every man, bush, or woodland creature she came in contact with. Cinderella’s carriage drifted on two wheels as she stormed away from the castle.
Cinderella knocked gracefully on her rival’s door. “Open up Snow Slut! I know you’re in there!”
The door, squeaking against the warped boards below, creaked opened. “Cinderella, what a nice surprise,” Snow White answered in a delighted manner.
“Really, is it? You weren’t expecting someone else perhaps?”
“Besides my stepmother, I don’t receive many visitors.”
“Well that’s bound to happen when you live in a shithole way out in the middle of nowhere. You don’t even get cell phone service out here for fairy’s sake!” she ranted. “And all those times I tried to call. Bastard!” She seethed through her gritted teeth.
“Who are you talking about? What are you talking about?” Snow White asked innocently.
“This!” she snapped and thrust the red cape front and center.
Snow White peeped around the intrusive cape. “That isn’t mine,” she told her.
Snow shook her head, “My cape is hanging right here,” she told her and pulled it down from where it hung on a rusty nail just inside the door.
“Seriously,” Cinderella sighed. “My bad…I guess I owe you an apology then.”
“No worries,” Snow smiled. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Not unless you know who left this in the back of my prince’s carriage.”
“You’re welcome to ask my mirror if you like,” Snow offered and hung her cape back onto the nail.
“Does it really work?” Cinderella asked, sounding skeptical.
“Certainly,” she replied.
Cinderella followed Snow White inside and into her bedroom to where a grand mirror hung on the wall. It was nothing fancy and, except for the size, appeared just as any other mirror she had laid eyes upon. “This is stupid. It’s just an ordinary mirror.”
“Let me show you how it works,” Snow offered as she stood before the mirror and began to speak, “Mirror, mirror on the wall, Cinderella has come to call. She seeks the name of an unpleasant lady; One that has been stealing her prince as of lately.”
Cinderella watched in awe as the mirror came to life and addressed her personally. “Well, hello there, Cinderella, you’re looking mighty fine. Give us a whirl, and take your time.”
She blushed and giggled and decidedly gave it a whirl in front of the mirror.
“Damn girl, I like what I see. A nice healthy ass is all I need,” the mirror announced.
Snow White shook her head in disapproval, “Mirror, mirror on the wall, focus on her question, and that is all.”
The mirror looked back to Cinderella, “Sorry, my lady. I meant no harm. I was distracted… by more than your charm,” he grinned.
Cinderella found herself blushing again, but Snow White seemed none too pleased. “Cinderella, perhaps you should ask your question now.”
“She doesn’t like it when I tease. So ask me what it is you would like me to tell. But come closer please. From afar, I’m afraid I won’t be able to hear you so well.”
Cinderella walked closer to the mirror.
“Mirror!” Snow White exclaimed.
“You’re trying to peek down her dress!”
“That’s absurd, woman!”
“Precisely my thought,” Snow agreed.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I had something in my eye maybe,” he said.
“Well, what do you expect?” the mirror asked. “You’ve been getting dressed in the closet for the past two months.”
“There’s a draft in here!”
“Wouldn’t hurt for you to leave the door open once in a while, would it?”
“You’re right,” Snow White sighed, “I’m sorry.”
“Um…is this a bad time?” Cinderella asked.
“No, go ahead. Ask the mirror your question,” Snow replied.
“I need to know who this belongs to please,” she said as she held the cape up for the mirror to see.
The mirror appeared confused as he stared back in silence.
“What’s wrong with him,” Cinderella asked.
“He doesn’t understand your question dear,” Snow answered, “It needs to rhyme.”
“Seriously,” Cinderella asked. “I just heard a whole bunch of strange shit that didn’t rhyme.”
“The key to the magic is rhyme,” Snow shrugged.
Cinderella rolled her eyes and thought for a short moment. She tried again. “Mirror, mirror stuck to the wall. I need to know who’s at fault. I found this red cape in my prince’s carriage. It isn’t mine…um…tell me the bitch’s name that has ruined my marriage.”
Taking a look at the cape, the mirror spoke at once, “It isn’t a lady with whom you feud. That cape there belongs to a dude,” he told her.
Taking in the mirror’s words, Cinderella’s eyes began to blink like rabid butterflies. Snow White’s mouth fell open, but fearing her mirror would soon find himself in tiny pieces, she offered Cinderella a refreshment. “I have some cider in the fridge.”
Cinderella seemed to snap out of it. “Some of the good stuff?” she asked.
“From my stepmother’s brew,” Snow answered.
“Nah, I’ll pass,” she answered and headed for the exit. She stopped as something changed her mind, “Do you have a to-go goblet?” Cinderella asked.