Poetry: Mean Fat Girls By Ghia Vitale

Mean Fat Girls

By Ghia Vitale

Photo Credit: Canweallgo.com

Editor's Note: This poem is dedicated to Ali Thompson and Jude Valentin, two amazing fat creators.

When you’re fat and femme,
thin people call you “mean”
when you call out their bullshit
and don’t take kindly to their disrespect.

When a fat femme says that not all body-shaming is equal 
because fat-shaming is rooted in fatphobia,
which kills fat people by denying us healthcare, jobs, and happiness,
while thin-shaming mostly just hurts feelings in a society that idealizes thinness,
they say, “You’re a mean fat girl!”

People often ask, “But what about health?”
So proud fat femmes say, “Health isn’t a requisite for respect
and all bodies deserve respect.”
Still, they expect us to accept any morsels of attention they hand us, 
to be eager to prove them wrong,
and when we refuse to debate with strangers on the internet,
they say, “You’re a mean fat girl!”

When fat femmes explain why fat suits are fatphobic,
how they take away jobs from fat actors,
how they’re the opposite of good representation,
so many people swoop in to defend their usage in Hollywood.
When we won’t give their favorite fandom a pass for blatant fatphobia,
they say, “You’re mean fat girls!”

When we ask for accountability,
people insist we’re demanding perfection or being “too sensitive”
instead of actually listening to us.
They expect us to conjure up all of the understanding, patience, and effort in the world 
just for them,
all while extending none of that consideration to us in return.

But here’s the thing about “mean fat girls”:
First of all, we’re not necessarily girls like you assume.
Try asking our pronouns before jumping to conclusions about gender.
Femmes can be thems.
Secondly, you call us “mean” whenever we speak our truths, 
set boundaries,
or refuse to hold someone’s hand through basic body politics.
Meanwhile, Google is free.
If meanness is code for “not taking anyone’s crap,”  
then I accept my throne as the queen of mean.

The truth is we’re not actually mean.
We simply refuse to let you invalidate our experiences,
disrespect us, or drain us of our emotional labor
as well as our intellectual labor.
You just think we’re mean because we don’t act like the fat doormats you expect us to be.
In fact, as strangers on the internet, you expect entirely too much from us.

Time and energy are the most precious resources a human has.
Being fat doesn’t mean I’m willing to give away more of myself than thin people are.
I won’t waste my time arguing with people who are committed to misunderstanding me.
Blocking is self-care.
I don’t care if that makes you angry because no one is entitled to my time and attention.
I don’t care if that makes me “mean.”
I’d rather be considered “mean” and have strong boundaries
than lose myself in people-pleasing just to be considered nice.

Without fat liberation, body positivity loses its radicalism.
If reminding people of that makes me “mean,” then I’ll wear that label like a crown.