The Quail Bell Guide to Enjoying a Haunted House

Boo-tiful Tips on Having a Blast

By M. Alouette
QuailBellMagazine.com

With just one more weekend left until Halloween, you probably have quite the to-do list ahead of you. Gorge on candy corn. Check. Paint nails with tiny skulls. Check. Re-read your favorite collection of scary stories. Check. Please also be sure to check off “Hit a haunted house.” Because you're never too old to get the poop popped out of you. Since more than one member of The Quail Bell Crew has worked for a haunted house, we thought we'd share some pro tips for making the most of your visit to spooksville. Here's the official Quail Bell Magazine word on how to have one hell of a time at a haunted house:

• Abandon logic. You know that a haunted house is a set full of trained performers, optical illusions, and props meant to creep you out. Congrats. You know more than the average 3-year-old. You want a medal? Here's one soaked in blood. Just kidding—you know that's really chocolate syrup because you're just that clever. Unfortunately, putting that background knowledge at the forefront of your mind is going to kill your fun super fast. Stop rationalizing everything. If you're over-thinking, you're not succumbing to your natural instincts. Going to a haunted house is one of those rare occasions where it's okay to be a neanderthal. Let your guard down. Get primal. Get scared. Otherwise, what's the point?

• Respect boundaries. With the aforementioned tip being said, don't be a jerk or a perv. Do not touch the performers. Do not grope the performers. Do not say rude things to the performers. Do not ask the performers out on dates*. Do not shine your cell phone light in the performers' eyes. Do not throw anything at the performers. Do not touch the sets or props, except for the objects obviously meant to be touched. Blah, blah, blah...you passed kindergarten, right? Good. The Golden Rule. The end.

• Take your time. Rushing results in missed fun. You'll miss out on great scares and awesome prop and set details if you run through the attraction. No matter how chicken you are, pinch yourself. Though the haunted house is real, the implied danger is fake. Walk through and take in the full experience—unless you know you're about to suffer a medical emergency, like a heart attack. In that case, call for help or follow the haunted house's procedure for being removed from the house. Some people interpret the “let your guard down” part a tad too seriously, but don't feel bad if you're one of them. At least you went into the house with the right attitude. 

Psst! If you're looking for a haunted house near QB HQ in Richmond, Virginia, we recommend Blood Lake in Midlothian.

*At least not while you're in the house and, even then, you should probably just leave your number with the ticket booth attendant. Remember, the performer is working. Don't get him or her fired.