Everyone needs a friend. But if you're socially awkward and unlikely to garner the mere acknowledgements of fellow homo sapiens, you might have to look outside of your species for platonic love. Have you thought of befriending a squid? A "cuddlefish" rejects no one.
To quickly give the appearance that you have friends, download this picture and Photoshop a few squids into pictures of yourself. Promptly print the pictures and set them up all over your house/parent's basement. Soon you'll look like the most popular person in town. Your mother might even stop asking if you're okay.
I may not be willing to extend a warm, friendly hand to you, but these squids will give you a tentacle of trust any day. Good luck with your new social life!
The Picture Pharmacist