Satire: You Might Be a Writer If...

You might be a writer if...

By Paisley Hibou
QuailBellMagazine.com

• Seeing a blank sheet of paper makes you sweat, itch, and mutter to yourself like a crack addict looking for his next fix. 

• Magazines and literary journals actually publish the poetry you pull from your old high school diaries and submit to editors from time to time because it's not totally angsty. 

• You memorized the Dewey Decimal system by the time you were ten but still stumble with basic arithmetic. 

• The last time you watched a film based on a book, you left in the middle and assumed the fetal position in the restroom until your date lured you out with the promise that s/he would take you to a magazine launch party later. 

• You immediately wonder how you can use a person you meet as inspiration for a character in a future story (before you learn the person's name...not that his/her name matters because you'll probably change it, anyway.) 

• You bring a notebook everywhere, even on first dates to dance clubs. 

• You correct total stranger's grammar even when they aren't speaking directly to you...and consider it a form of community service. 

• You fill up your Facebook notes with short stories, poetry, and random musings (yeah, and the occasional survey or chain letter like everyone else.) 

• The sight of the printed word turns you on just a little...or a lot, to be brutally honest. 

• You wear glasses (even if you don't need them) and a tweed blazer (even in the summer.) 

• You own more books than Barbie owns shoes...and still feel you need more. 

• The library is so much your second home that you've dated at least one of the librarians there and even slept over in the 800s for bacon and eggs the next morning. 

• You spent more money every year on your M.F.A. than your current annual salary...and still haven't snagged that book deal.