Satire: Victorian XOJane

If XOJane existed 150 years ago...

By Starling Root
QuailBellMagazine.com

Let's take a minute and pretend that the Victorians had Internet. (Such anachronisms are part of the glory of Steampunk and Steampunk is awesome, so I want no complaints about absurdity. Save it for your thesis.) Your average Victorian twenty-something lady would of course be scrolling through QuailBellMagazine.com. But let's be honest. She's probably going to hop on over to XOJane.com at some point, too. Here are some of the headlines this corseted chick experiencing her quarter-life crisis might see:

• 7 Things I Couldn't Get Anyone to Write About This Week, Including The Mythical Female Orgasm

• My Last Three Fiancees Died of Cholera And Now I'm Headed for Spinsterhood

• It Happened to Me: I Gave Birth to a Deformed Son Because Of My Whalebone Cage Shifted My Precious Organs/Fetus. FML!

• How to Get Gibson Girl Hair in 10 Minutes Flat

• Um, Did You Hear About This Thing Called the Civil War? It's Not Cute. My Thoughts.

• This Edgar Allan Poe Guy Was So Dreary – How To Turn His Books Into Tea Cozies

• Ten Signs Your Father Is Sleeping With One of His Slaves

• You Guys, I Don't WANT to be a Governess in the Countryside; That's So Vanity Fair!

• My Beloved and I Want to Kiss So, So, So Badly, but My Chaperone is Always There

• What Happens in Atlanta STAYS in Atlanta