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Scavenging for that Culture Cred
By Starling Root
You must be a culture vulture if...
• you take pride in paying full price for opera and ballet tickets.
• you read events listings with a discerning eye and your nose in the air.
• you wouldn't touch a light beer with the longest martini stirrer known to mankind.
• you have more museum membership cards than debit, credit, and gym cards combined.
• you watch “films,” not “movies,” and not the kind you can watch in mainstream theaters, either.
• your local librarian knows you on a first name basis—whether you owe late fees or not.
• you go to art galleries, read artist statements from top to bottom, and even buy art. (But, yeah, you drink the free wine like the rest us, too.)
• you watch several plays a season, and not just for the gay dating scene.
• you pronounce foreign words damn close to the real thing and know, really and truly, where the accent marks go.
• you know people call you a pretentious prick and actually think it's a compliment.
What's the difference between a culture vulture and a hipster? Nothing, except a culture vulture is twenty years older and not trying to play poor.