Satire: Santa's Cookie Scandal

The Jefferson Hotel Reveals Santa's Big Secret

By Mo Karnage
QuailBellMagazine.com

I know the big issue right now is Fox news vehemently claiming Santa is white. Shawn Everett Jones wrote about the 'black Santa debate' for his recent essay on Quail Bell. But no one is talking about another Santa scandal that has been ongoing: the merry man's cookie addiction.

A visit to the Jefferson Hotel  in Richmond, Virginia to check out their annual holiday decorations ended up revealing Santa's secret (or not-so-secret) addiction:

As you may know, traditionally, American families leave a plate of cookies and a glass of milk out for Santa on Christmas Eve. It's always seemed like a nice gesture, nothing more.

Well, if you check out Santa's sleigh, which they have on display at the Jefferson Hotel, you will see why it is VITAL to keep Santa sated on plates of cookies.

Santa's sleigh is made out of gingerbread cookies and candy! Specifically, 350 pounds of gingerbread cookies and 400 pounds of frosting.

Santa is a cookie addict. And without the offerings of plates of cookies along his way, he is liable to eat up his entire sleigh. Maybe not the whole thing, but certainly he could do enough damage to disable the vehicle.

And who could really blame the guy? As my friends and I were checking out the display, a little girl next to me exclaimed, "I wish they'd let the kids eat this!" I replied, "I wish they'd let the adults eat it. too!"I can hardly imagine flying around all night in the sleigh, breathing in the festive gingerbread smells, and not having a nibble or two.

It is definitely a scrumptious looking piece of equipment. I understand Santa's addiction. The detail on his sleigh is both exquisite and delicious!

The plates of cookies children have been leaving Santa for centuries are more than just bribes, they are necessary! At least until some helpful elf talks Santa into a more sensible sleigh material.

The Jefferson Hotel is definitely on the pricey side of Richmond accommodations. But luckily, it is free to go in the lobby and check out the decorations. Stop by at 101 West Franklin Street in Downtown Richmond.

The decorations, including the big tree, will be up until New Year's Day, as long as a hoard of kiddos doesn't break past the velvet rope to get to the cookie sleigh.