How to Make a Leprechaun
By Starling Root
QuailBellMagazine.com
QuailBellMagazine.com
Find a pot o' gold (though a cauldron will also do.)
Remove the gold from the pot. Melt it and turn it into a potato sculpture. Set the sculpture exactly one foot away from the pot.
Pluck a pube from a fire crotch as its master sleeps.
Place the pube in the pot. Then get an Irish grandmother to spit in the pot.
Close your eyes and count to 1,000 in Gaelic. Be sure to slur your speech the way you would if you'd just spent five hours at the pub on a Saturday night.
Fifteen seconds later, enjoy your newfound, orange-haired terror.
Remove the gold from the pot. Melt it and turn it into a potato sculpture. Set the sculpture exactly one foot away from the pot.
Pluck a pube from a fire crotch as its master sleeps.
Place the pube in the pot. Then get an Irish grandmother to spit in the pot.
Close your eyes and count to 1,000 in Gaelic. Be sure to slur your speech the way you would if you'd just spent five hours at the pub on a Saturday night.
Fifteen seconds later, enjoy your newfound, orange-haired terror.