The Breadcrumbs widget will appear here on the published site.
A Witch's Perspective
By Misty Thomas
It sure is adorable that you mere mortals celebrate this silly holiday that you call “Halloween." My favorite part is seeing all of you dressed up as witches. HA! As if we would make ourselves known to the public ever so simply. Silly, silly mortals.
So it has been brought to my attention that young girls (and even a few older ones) have been reading up on our craft. These books clearly must be works of fiction, because our superiors would never expose our best spells and techniques. And the news on the street is that there is a television program that explains the ins and outs of covens. Bullocks, I say! We would never let Hollywood get a hold of any private information on covens, let alone make a public display of it on that repugnant video box.
I keep hearing whispers from the children in my neighborhood about Samhain, my black cat. One child even thinks that he put a spell on her. Silly child, I’m the only one who can do that! They whisper that I must have coven meetings in my basement and we must all stand around the cauldron and cast spells on the single men in the neighborhood, because we always have handsome, wealthy men on our arms at the parties that their uptight and pretentious parents attend. Perhaps there is some truth in that, but with my so-called coven made up of beautiful women, what man could resist us?!
These parents have been leaving brooms on my porch as if they think I do THAT much housework. Oh these superstitious mortals and their beliefs about us. I even hear that people are writing books about vampires and witches having relationships with one another! If you mortals do indeed wish to keep spreading these heinous lies about witches, perhaps you all should stop by my place and stay awhile. You’ll see that the broomsticks are just taking up valuable basement space and I honestly need to make more room for a new cauldron, the one down there is far too dusty.
Some words of wisdom to you mortals upon going out this All Hallow’s Eve:
• Though we witches have not sold our souls to the devil, we don’t play well with others—at least of your kind. We play well with Mother Nature. She is our supreme being.
• We will not turn you into a toad or even try to kiss a toad in hopes of finding our prince. So CHILL OUT.
• Contrary to popular belief, we are not all wart-ridden hags. Some of us are downright gorgeous. (At least this one is!)
Happy and blessed All Hallow’s Eve, kiddies…*cue evil, cackling, hag laugh*