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Bring On the Turkey Legs
By Christine Stoddard
Hear ye, hear ye! Now that autumn has commenced, 'tis the season of low-budget Shakespeare plays and velveteen puff-sleeve dresses. That's right: Get ready for renaissance faires across the country to invade that patch of woods you never knew existed behind that crappy shopping center. Say what? You're already ready? Just how ready? Not ready enough unless you're exhibiting these 10 signs:
1. Ladies, the first thing you do after taking a shower is stand in front of the mirror, press your breasts together, and check out that ren faire cleavage. Men, you're all about growing out that beard.
2. You practice eating turkey legs while wearing a costume. No grease stains? Excellent. Time for another one.
3. You can't help but see long, skinny objects—sticks, brooms, etc.—as swords. En garde!
4. When you hit your favorite Irish pub, you only care about the really old drinking songs.
5. You scour the party store flyers the moment they come to your house.
6. Your excuse for declining a date is, “Sorry, but I'm working on my fairy wings this Saturday.” This is not a lie.
7. Your reading list is looking rather...historical...these days.
8. Lately you've been eyeing your dog and wondering if he'd make a better unicorn or dragon.
9. You haven't jousted since last fall and you're afraid you're out of practice.
10. These days you're saving all your money for one thing. It starts with an 'r' and ends in 'enaissance faire.'