Gearheart the Gentleman: Why, you don't snuff?
Perhaps you can help me. See I’m trying to be more healthy and stuff like that, so I really wanna stop smoking cigarettes. I probably smoke a pack a day and I’ve tried to quit a few times before, but it’s kinda tough, ya know? So I really wanna stop for good this time. Any words of advice?
My dear boy!! I must insist that you do all that you can to discontinue the use of these dreadful cigarettes posthaste! This message that I write to you now is one of urgency and I pray you take my words seriously and with immediacy.
Now, I assume I am speaking to a Mr. Shocka Khan as I have never known of any women that could or would tolerate even the passing scent of a pipe’s smoke, let alone the atrocious odor these cigarettes most undoubtedly give off. I would further assume that you are enough of a gentleman as to never, EVER smoke in the presence of a lady and that you own some form of smoking suit as to be courteous to others after partaking in a smoke. Even if the previous statements are true of your habits, good sir, I can think of nothing more damaging than smoking cigarettes.
From what I’ve come to understand through my, admittedly limited, research on the subject is that smoking tobacco in the form of cigarettes can lead to dire breathing problems, diseases of the heart and lungs, a great many varieties of cancers and death. DEATH my boy! To think that you inhale twenty four of these cancer rods a day...
I’m sorry...I have to steady myself...I fear I may have come close to fainting just now...I apologize for my weariness, but the thought of a young person exposing himself to such a dangerous substance troubles me deeply. I would never condone the recreational use of any drug as I have seen men driven mad by the addictive nature of such a vice.
Still, the quandary of life can be ever trying, and now and then one must seek something to soothe the mind of its stresses. But one must be careful in his choices in this regard. There are many better, healthier ways to relieve anxiety than smoking cigarettes. Pray thee, have you heard of snuffing?
Yes, snuffing is a very fashionable practice and will improve your image to others far better than that of cigarette smoking. A gentlemanly practice, snuff, like cigarette and pipe smoke, is derived from the tobacco plant. However, snuff involves the utter pulverization of this plant into a fine powder and the local tobacconist from whom I regularly buy assures me that it is this process that renders snuff virtually harmless to the body. Why, I’ve even heard of snuff being used to aid those with failing eyesight to see more clearly. This, too, was also told to me by my tobacconist, the helpful fellow.
Now there is a particular set of guidelines in the use of snuff as it is a more refined indulgence. Luckily for you, my boy, I am ever knowledgeable of such etiquettes.
One may say what they must about the Germans, but they produce the finest of snuffs and so I’d advise that you attempt to procure some from there if possible, though the moist snuff of the colonies--oh, beg pardon, I mean of the Americas!--may be more suitable for a novice.
Now once you have your snuff, you will need to purchase yourself a decent handkerchief. Handkerchiefs are essential to the maintenance of snuff taking as one may need to brush away any lingering debris from the nose or upper lip. Your handkerchief also acts as a fashionable accessory from such one might display his individuality by adorning the cloth with a family crest or maybe a poem that one fancies.
Finally, all snuff enthusiasts know that you must carry with you a proper snuff box. Used to store one’s daily snuff supply as well as provide a quaint vessel from which to take and share snuff with others, a man’s snuff box can speak volumes about him. Snuff boxes come in dozens of shapes, sizes and decorative designs. I’d dare say that a fetching snuff box is an essential part of any gentleman’s attire and can convey one’s wealth, status, closeness to God and a great many other intricacies of one’s character. Though my own snuff box is quite simple, indeed compared to that of many other men I know of, I still feel like a Bond Street Beau whenever there is an occasion to showcase it.
Additionally, some men may use chatelaines or snuff rasps with their snuff use, though I personally find these attachments cumbersome and unnecessary. Still, to each his own as it were. Though I’ll say, do make sure not to be seen using any form of snuffing spoon as only nancy boys and the French need use such toys and I wouldn’t want anyone to see you as anything less than your gentlemanly best.
There you are, my boy! You needn’t light another cigarette again! I hope I was helpful in your quest to rid yourself of this terrible addiction and do make sure to write me and keep me aware of your progress.
Best of luck,