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My Mom Loves Butts
Words and Image by Gretchen Gales
My mom sure loves butts a lot.
Now that I have your attention — and very shortly an angry text from my mom — I should clarify. My mom doesn’t love just any and every butt that crosses her path. In fact, she wishes more of them would be covered with proper pants or a long shirt, including mine. The only butts she is okay with seeing are dog and other animal butts. But even though she doesn’t want to see my butt, she still loves my butt.
When I was a baby, she would wipe my butt. That was pretty nice. Once when I was four, I thought I knew where my bed was in the dark and tried to jump onto it and ended up falling on my butt instead. When she heard a good deal of crying coming from my room, she held me and let my butt sit on her lap. I don’t even recall her spanking me for any reason, so once again that shows she valued my butt. Every single year throughout elementary school when I would inevitably get a stomach virus, she still brought me toast and ginger ale even after my butt did unspeakable things to the toilet. (I am about to get another text from her saying TMI and a grossed-out emoji.)
As a kid she would take me to Barnes and Noble and any bookstore nearby so I could sit on my butt and read at home, at school, in the car, at restaurants, and anywhere I could have one. She made sure my butt was in a chair studying or doing homework when I was supposed to. She drove me to a nearby library for math tutoring when my butt needed to not fail math. After a trip to New York City went sour, both Mom and Dad drove eight hours to come to pick up my anxious butt after I experienced the worst panic attack in my life.
Her butt was in the stands when I graduated high school and college. She didn’t sit on her butt until she made both graduation parties special for me. After both getting into the LuLaRoe craze, she checks my butt to make sure it is covered. And yes, I check her butt too, so I guess I love butts.
I get it from my mom.
5/23/2017 01:46:00 pm
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