Luna Lark Speaks: Musings of a Fairy Punk

Your Gums are Puffy

By Luna Lark
QuailBellMagazine.com

“Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young prince lived in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind. But then, one winter's night, an old beggar woman came to the castle and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the prince sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away. But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within. And when he dismissed her again, the old woman's ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress.” -Disney's Beauty and the Beast (1991)

Shame is something others make you feel, and, as a tween, I started to feel ashamed of my teeth. Stats from the Confidence Coalition say that 90 percent of all women wish to change one aspect of their appearance. For me, that aspect would've been my chompers. My jaw was small, my teeth were big and crowding was an issue. Unsurprisingly for a young girl, my insecurity raged. At age 12, I had four teeth extracted and braces installed like railroad tracks. Chuckie Finster here.

For the next couple of years, I was a metal mouth and just when I thought I'd finally escaped the middle class agony of getting my braces tightened, I was put into retainers. Retainers meant one more thing to keep track of on top of homework, extracurriculars, and high school drama. Needless to say, my retainers ended up in the trash (not quite unlike this teen's) on more than one occasion, but I was lucky enough to always rescue them in time. I could at least appreciate that my parents had spent thousands of dollars on my orthodontic treatment—probably about $5,000 when all was said and done, a price above the national average because of our platinum zip code. (Even if you don't come from a household of two litigation lawyers in suburban Washington, prepare to pay the same price they do.)

While in braces and even retainers, I made the common mistake of improperly flossing. I would get frustrated by how long it took to snake the floss through my braces and between my teeth. I'd curse when the floss shredded because it was annoying and time-consuming to have to remove all the fuzz from my brackets. Once in retainers, I was so unaccustomed to flossing without braces, that I let myself use that as a lazy excuse to not floss correctly. I'd zip through the act and then gargle mouthwash extra long to make up for it.

It wasn't until my early twenties that my bad flossing started to catch up to me. With increasingly less free time, my hygienic priority was showering—and even that didn't always happen on a daily basis, let alone meticulous flossing. Of course, lax hygiene is not exactly unusual in any burgeoning bohemian's life. When I stayed at a punk house a few years ago, I by far had the best dental hygiene. That was mostly a matter of how I had been raised, plus the fact that I wanted Elizabeth Taylor teeth and had my parents' stellar dental insurance. Even if I didn't always floss, I still brushed my teeth two to three times a day. No surprise then that I was also the least radical of the group: I ate meat, I wore deodorant, I (usually) shaved my legs, I had no tattoos and only my earlobes were pierced. But when even some of your cutest friends have black teeth, somehow pearly whites don't seem as important. There's school, there's work, there's some semblance of a social life.

Recently I went to the dentist for my biannual cleaning and, for the first time, got a stern talking-to. The American Academy of Periodontology estimates that about half of American adults 30 or older have periodontitis. If my bad habits persist, I might end up being one of those 64.7 million Americans in five years. Or, to put a positive spin to it, one of my idols, Ziggy Stardust. Or even George Washington, a man of legendarily bad dental health—and brilliant battle strategy. Even with those idols in mind, I better take this flossing business more seriously.