Your Fairy Godmother Done Told You So
Fantasy and fairy tales may seem like a walking puff land of glitter, but they offer more than an escape through feathers, scales, and fluff. Mother Goose, Brothers Grimm, and all those other oldies and goodies teach you how to thrive and survive in the dark, evil forest that is life. Here are lessons to take to heart:
• Beauty sleep’s crucial, but keep your eyes wide open during all waking hours. You don’t want to pull a Rumpelstiltskin.
• Not only is it desirable to be beautiful AND intelligent, it’s possible. If you’re vain, though, your kind stepsister will be the one to marry the prince. And if you always bury your nose in a book, don’t be surprised if you wind up in a beast’s dank dungeon.
• Folks with furry feet can still be happy.
• While society celebrates the slaying of dragons, it discourages the slaying of unicorns. One breathes fire and the other breathes magical dust. This is a catching-flies-with-honey type situation.
• Even if you explode into flame and end up a pile of ashes, you can still find yourself re-born. Second (and third and fourth and fifth, etc.) chances do exist.
• Remember—the Sorting Hat picks you. Not the other way around. Some things you can’t fight.
• Glass slippers may be cute but they’re not the most sensible fashion item—especially for a carriage made out of a bright orange spongy fruit. Dress appropriately for the occasion.
• You might have the B.O. of an ogre and end up marrying Cameron Diaz nonetheless. Don’t think that gets you off from attending to personal hygiene, though! Cameron might not care, but the rest of us sure as heck do.
• Sometimes a first kiss will transform your entire perception of reality and maybe your ball gown, too; other times you’ll leave with nothing more but froggy breath.
• Just because you’re the sanest at the tea party, that doesn’t make you sane.
• If you’re living with seven men and doing all their housework, you better be living rent and utility-free. Demand complimentary groceries and weekly foot massages, too.
• There’s always an asterisk to “Happily ever after.”