Intro to Clown Porn

From Suggestive Jesters to Sexy Circuses

By Paisley Hibou
QuailBellMagazine.com

A European monarch, wearing plush velvets as he melts into a glittering throne, nearly chokes on his bon-bon. Jesters are not supposed to do that. The jingling fool has started flossing with his marotte, turning his mock scepter into an undeniable phallic symbol. Then the strip tease begins. The only PG-13 sight in the room is a rumpled motley patterned frock lying on the marble floor. Harps and lutes suddenly lend the scene a suggestive soundtrack.

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Does this episode seem perversely unreal? You might be shocked (or pleased) to learn there's a modern-day equivalent. It's called clown porn, and somewhere someone's watching it this very second. In fact, a Google search for the term “clown porn” pulled up 1,760,000 results on November 15, 2011. A YouTube search for the same term pulled up 2,320 results on November 29, 2011. On October 30, 2011, an episode of “Family Guy” featured about twelve seconds satirizing clown porn—ironic considering that clown porn itself satirizes the porn industry. It's like the famous magic trick that features a scarf within a scarf except that “Family Guy” brought clown porn to mainstream attention by positioning a joke within a joke.

Maybe that joke's too meta for some folks' taste. Even so, it sparked Quail Bell's curiosity. As generic porn continues to proliferate across the Internet, so does clown porn. On December 16, 2011, a Google search for the term “clown porn” pulled up 1,880,000 results.

Given the extinction of European court life, licensed fools don't really prance around trumpeting societal follies anymore. We do, however, have the funny guys with multi-colored wigs, baggy clothes, and garish face paint to serve the same purpose. We also have the strange world of porn. Today clowns and porn stars co-exist in twisted harmony, but only because one chooses to poke fun at the other. 

Porn has gotten absurd and clowns aren't afraid to say it, or at least imply it. Clown porn points to our society's troubled obsession with women who fail to look like real women. At this time in history, the dysmorphic definition of the ideal babe is more contorted than ever. Elizabeth I had extreme hairline tweezing; Marie Antoinette had mouse skin eyebrows; Marilyn Monroe had bullet bras; today's porn stars are victims of Botox, laser hair removal, collagen injections, vaginal lifts, and anal bleaching.

The type of sex female porn stars portray is male-centric and, more often than not, demeaning to women. Many of the porn stars in Internet videos appear to be in pain; often you'll see them crying. The typical male co-star calls his female co-star crude names, fails to make eye contact with her, and does not abide by her wishes. That is, if the male co-star is visible at all. Often he's just a pair of hands and an anonymous penis. Not very Mr. Darcy.

The standards of beauty imposed upon female porn stars affect real women. LA Weekly ran an article in May 2011 about a study conducted by The American Society of Plastic Surgeons in time for Mother's Day. According to the study, 62% of the 1,000+ mothers surveyed said that if cost were not a factor, they would opt for a “mommy makeover,” meaning a tummy tuck and a boob job. In the Renaissance and Victorian Ages, mommies were considered hotties because of their voluptuousness. More importantly, mommies had society's respect because they were bringers of life. Now mommies feel ashamed of their bodies.

Porn star standards of “perfect” sex affect real women (and men), too. In February 2011, AARP ran an article titled “6 Ways Porn Can Hurt Your Sex Life: Viewing explicit content gives men unrealistic view of sexual performance, intimacy.” #6 on the list discounted the myth that porn perpetuates: “Porn is all about hardcore action.” The article quoted sex therapist Dennis Sugrue for the following: “Pornography ignores whole-body sensuality. That's a big reason why porn-style sex isn't satisfying. That's also a big reason why so many women hate it.”

Bottom line: Most of today's porn presents disgusting fantasies. Clown porn shows just how fantastical those fantasies are.

Because clowns are so ridiculous-looking, they have society's permission to behave in a ridiculous, even fantastical, manner. They can honk bicycle horns as a means of speech or slam overly-creamed pies in their friends' faces. Twenty of them can fit into a teeny car meant to accommodate only one or two non-clowns.  

That's why clowns can get away with absurdity in porn. They can get it on in a room full of balloon animals or on a moon bounce with circus music playing in the background. They can put a female porn star in a neon green wig and white face and have her talk in goofy voices. They can even throw cream pies at each other as they perform the same crass acts common to mainstream porn. If you don't understand how half-baked today's mainstream porn is, clown porn promises to teach you.

As funny as clowns are, they're also scary. Clowns don't even have to pick up a chainsaw or gun to scare some audiences. All they have to do is be themselves. Coulrophobia refers to the fear of clowns, which is so rampant that haunted houses and horror films sometimes pick clowns over ghosts and zombies. A bunch of clowns can make mainstream porn look frightening. When's the last time a porno mentioned birth control, condoms, STDs, abortions, or the cost of childcare? Never, and that's frightening.

Much of today's porn is ridiculous-looking, but not because it has society's explicit green card like clowns do. Internet porn has evolved from our warped values. Internet porn says that we don't want our women to look like women. We don't want our men present as anything but phallic symbols. We don't want sex to involve love or even plain ol' intimacy. Internet porn says that we want sex to be fast, impersonal, and at times cruel. It says that we want sex to take place between two non-humans: 1) a caricature of a highly-sexed little girl with alien body parts and 2) an unusually large penis wagging through the air. This is not the stuff of risque daguerreotypes. 

Very few people would express these sexual values, even privately to themselves, and yet Internet porn suggests that these are the criteria viewers demand. Not many people are acting to challenge such values. If anything, they are encouraging them.

In December 2009, The Telegraph ran an article about a study of young male porn users conducted by the University of Montreal. Out of the 20 heterosexual male college students interviewed for the study, all of them used porn, a habit that, on average, started at age 10. 90% of their porn came from the Internet. On average, men in relationships watched porn 1.7 times a week for about 20 minutes. As you'd probably suspect, single men watched porn more frequently and for longer durations: 40 minutes, three times a week. Watching porn is a major pastime and most people won't give it up for the sake of re-defining sexual values.

The Telegraph ran another article in January 2010, this time on a study that found that men who began watching porn as boys under age 16 were more likely to deem sexual harassment acceptable. The leader of this study held at the Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society was Michael Flood. The Telegraph quoted Flood as saying, “Porn is a very poor sex educator because it shows sex in unrealistic ways and fails to address intimacy, love, connection or romance. Often it is quite callous and hostile in its depictions of women.”

But porn hasn't always been so “callous” and “hostile.” History has shown as that porn can exhibit healthy standards of beauty and good sex.

For a candid look at porn dating back to the Roaring Twenties, for instance, check out the French book Les Années Folles des maison closes by Christian Marmonnier and Alex Varenne. Regardless of whether or not you can overcome the language barrier, flip through the pages and study the photographs. Since the photos present natural, “artistic” shots, chances are the librarian sneaking up behind you won't call you a pervert. 

This 143-page coffee table book depicts woman with breasts that range from mosquito bites to jugs. Many of these models have rolls of fat, wrinkles, pale complexions, dark tresses, untoned bodies, and even a little body hair. Not one of these women is portrayed as ugly or odd, indicating a fairly lenient definition of beauty (though there's little in the way of ethnic and racial diversity). Very few, if any of these women, would pass muster in today's porn industry. They do not have bleached blonde hair, balloon breasts, orange tans, all-over waxes, and the tell-tale scars of plastic surgery. They are just pretty, everyday women.

Maybe porn won't ever return to the days where donning red lipstick was as scandalous as you could get. Maybe porn will continue getting skeezier and skeezier: more revoltingly fantastical and more damaging to women's self-esteem. 

But at least porn clown reminds us of the skeeziness. We shouldn't like most mainstream porn. It's a dark circus. Speaking of which, a quiz on BuzzFeed.com dares you: “Can you tell the difference between clown porn and a circus?”

http://www.buzzfeed.com/sarahs28/can-you-tell-the-difference-between-clown-porn-and-1yzj

Well, can you?