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A Christmas Bummer
By Shawn Everett Jones
I heard a snippet on the radio yesterday morning, something to the tune of this: A teacher said to a young black student, who was dressed up for a school holiday party, “Santa Claus isn't black." It hurt my heart. A kid can't even enjoy some holiday cheer in this world because of some ass turd parading as a teacher. I want to ask this teacher how tall Santa is. Ya know? Like exactly how tall is that motherfucker? If you know that he is white, then you must know how tall he is. I'm sure the teacher would not know, would be totallly stumped. Why? Because Santa is a fucking figment of the imagination. Santa is a mythological being. And as most mythological beings, Santa's form changes depending on many factors. These factors include race, nationality, country of origin, and so on.
One such so on includes different artists renditions of Santa. I don't know, take your average mall Santa and compare him to say, the Santa in the animated Rudolph Christmas special. Well, they are both about as Santa as it gets. Yet they are completely different. One is like your uncle dressed up as Santa and one is a clay creation. Ok, not fair, let's take the Nightmare Before Christmas Santa then. Let's compare him to the Rudolf Santa. Again, they are similar and, at the same time, they are very different even though they are both animated clay figures. At the end of the day, though, they are both Santa as fuck.
Ok, ok. You know the Santa Claus hat at Spencer's. The black Santa hat. It is still a Santa hat. When anyone sees it, the immediate association is it's a Santa hat because it is a Santa hat. It doesn't matter the race of the hat. If a black man wears a black Santa hat, he is Santa.
And so, I guess now I should say that I don't celebrate Christmas. I do respect anyone's way of celebrating any holiday that is sacred to them. I appreciate Christmas because most of the traditions of the holiday come from ancient pagan traditions. The lighted trees, the green wreaths, and Santa, all go way back in history. The trees and the wreaths have nothing to do with Christ. They were a symbol of green plant life to comfort us in the winter. At the Yule season, these plants were brought into homes to represent the promise of nature. The shortest day of the year, the Winter Solstice, is the beginning of the return of the sun and then the spring and then the summer. Santa comes from the wild shaman, St. Nick, who would roam in the snowy forrest tripping balls on mushrooms and hanging out with deer. What he has to do with the contemporary Christmas holiday is unfathomable. But alas, as with the renditions throughout time, the interpretations change.
I mean, Santa is as realistic as white Jesus. Santa is as realistic as black Jesus. Sant is as realistic as pudgy Buddha. Santa is as realistic as skinny Buddha. It is all make-believe. The reality is scary. Always is. That some white ass know-it-all tries to claim it, wants to have Santa all to himself, wants everything cut and dried, easy-bake, ready-made, drive-thru, consumerism, Wal-Mart, gas-gussling, Black Friday, White Santa, fuck you and yours, love me and mine, haha, ho-ho, to the funny farm, where life is wonderful everyday.
How about we as humans stop hiding behind religions and traditions and customs and really work to make life wonderful everyday for all? Guess that's just my Christmas wish. Let's hope I've been a good boy. And may the young Santa kid be merry and may Krampus take that crappy teacher away.
Happy Holidays Anyways,