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Essay: Fat Girls Are Worthy of Love
Fat Girls Are Worthy of Love
Fat girls are worthy of love. We live in a world that devalues and shames fat women. These toxic attitudes surrounding fatness sometimes make their way into my love life as well as the love lives of other fat girls. Love isn’t exclusively reserved for thin people. Fat women need to know we’re worthy of love, the same kind of love thin people share.
Recently, I read an inspiring article called Yes, Fat Women Actually Date Amazing People by Virgie Tovar. The article examined how people always thought her partners must be “flawed” in some way for dating a fat girl like her. A friend blatantly asked her once if her date ever “took her out in public.” Yes, it’s rude to ask, but it’s something fat girls like me are familiar with. It reminds me of all the strange ways people react to seeing a fat girl with a traditionally handsome man.
Personally, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 13 years. I’m polyamorous, so another relationship might develop at some point. My boyfriend has everything I want in a partner: good-looking, sweet, kind, feminist, and intelligent. Ever since we first got together in high school, people openly wondered about what he saw in me. The idea that a smart, attractive guy like my boyfriend would date a fat girl like me messed with people’s minds. Being together disrupted how people thought the world worked.
My boyfriend has always been sweet to me. He’s always been proud to be seen with me in public. As for the rest of the dating world, I’ve been treated sub-par due to my size and sex.
Like other fat girls, I experience certain recurring problems in my dating life. I’m still in the process of raising my standards and learning how to respect myself enough to not tolerate bullshit from others. I won’t entertain a fuckboy when there are men of quality out there who are worth waiting for.
As a fat girl, I've noticed the guys who seek me out are the ones who only want casual sex or friends with benefits. I want a meaningful relationship, not just something to make the time go by. I used to think casual sex and friends with benefits were the best I could get. Now, I know I’m worth more than that. I’ve decided I’ll no longer sleep with people until I’m in a relationship. My size is irrelevant: I deserve fulfilling, empowering relationships - not ones where I leave our time together feeling used. Unfortunately, a lot of fat girls don’t have this revelation and continue settling for less.
When you’re dating as a fat girl, there are people who don’t want to be seen with you. It’s not always as blatant as them panicking when they enter a public place with you. For me, it most often takes the form of a guy who wants to do nothing but hang out at his place. (Or your place, if you have that kind of living situation.) This kind of guy never wants to go out or do anything besides hang out in his bedroom/living room where it’s easiest to hook up.
Fat girls: If a guy keeps you in when you want to go out, dump his ass. You deserve to be with someone who likes you enough to take you out on dates. Someone who gets nervous about being seen with you doesn’t deserve your attention, effort, or love. They don’t even deserve any so-called “benefits” associated with your friendship.
It took me a while to see these guys for what they are: fuckboys who are afraid to be seen in public with me. I thought we were just having fun around the house, but I soon realized they took other girls out on dates.
The truth is I’d rather hook up with someone who treats me like I’m special, someone who gives me the time of day and isn’t a stranger. I’m tired of guys expecting maximum intimacy from me in response to the minimal effort they put forward to please me because I’m a fat girl. I’ve decided that if I’m going to hook up with someone, they need to show they’re invested in me. They can’t just take me back to their place and expect to hook up with me.
Fat girls, you deserve a guy who’s proud to be seen with you. You deserve a guy who takes you out on dates. You deserve a guy who tells you that you’re beautiful and means it. (As in, he says it when he’s not trying to get into your pants.) Whenever a guy treats you badly, remember that it’s more of a reflection of him rather than a reflection of you.
You’re better off being alone than in an unfulfilling dating situation. You deserve a full-fledged relationship with a man of quality. You also deserve a full-fledged relationship with yourself. Don’t let other people devalue you or put you down and when they do, have the self-respect to dismiss them from your life. This isn’t something only fat girls have to do. Everyone has to learn how to do this. It becomes easier with practice.
If you’re a fat girl who doesn’t like how your dates/prospective partners treat you, make a list of all the behaviors that are annoying you. Once you’re done with that list, commit to never dealing with that behavior again. The next time it happens, resolve to say something or dump him. It’s not worth being with someone who doesn’t value you.
Fat girls, we deserve all the love in the world and more. Don’t spend your precious time with people who don’t appreciate you. Your time is a finite resource: spend it with people who value you.
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