Give Us 99% Off Coupons for this Stuff
Quail Bell(e)s have a legitimate complaint about Black Friday. How come you don't ever have stuff that would actually make us wake up at 3 a.m. to get in line at the local mall? We want gifties that address the imaginary, the nostalgic, and the otherworldly—not gym shorts or toasters with ten settings. Next year, could you please put out coupons for the following?
*Admission to any rocking history museum we want, since they tend to be open for about two hours total between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
*All of the Halloween crap you couldn't get rid of even during your day-after-Halloween clearance sale.
*Anything we want from any grandma's attic in the United States (bonus points if you can give us access to attics in the UK, Australia, and the rest of the world, too.)
*Time machines! We're not particularly concerned about the model. Any one will do.
*Real Egyptian mummies we can prop up in our living rooms for some interesting décor.
*All of Etsy.com—down to the very last shop.
*Printing presses, books, and camera equipment that date back 'til at least 1900.
That's all, really. Please let us know what you can do.
The QB Crew