How to Be a Sexually Confident Woman
Human sexuality has been a driving force in societies for millennia, fascinating and puzzling people in a multitude of ways. It’s been used by some sectors of society to manipulate and control behavior, and women have been subject to prejudice, objectification and misogyny because of it. For Western women, the inequality between the sexes has been reduced, but there is still an entrenched mindset that can’t recognize the desires of women or their right to be treated with respect and dignity. The problem of sexually related blackmail by high school students is a case in point. Girls are being coerced in increasing numbers to send sexually oriented photos of themselves to boys, who frequently then use the possession of these pictures to force girls into having sex, or distribute the photos on the internet, humiliating and embarrassing the subjects. This illustrates the fact that there is still a long way to go in the battle to eliminate sexual exploitation and prejudice, even in the United States. Is it possible to grow into a sexually confident woman in modern society, and if so, how do you do it?
The one rule
The basic tenet of liberal sexuality is that providing the act is consensual and no-one is going to be hurt or involved against their will; then people should be free to explore their sexuality in any way they choose. So for example, a party where all the guests were attending of their own free will and able to choose what they did and didn’t want to do would be perfectly acceptable. On the other hand, a frat party where a group of guys took turns with a girl who had passed out drunk would be completely unacceptable. Not telling someone you have an STD before having sex would also break the rule, because you are putting them in harm’s way without their knowledge. Using this premise as a moral compass will give you the confidence to know where the limits are, and when you should always say no.
Consent
An essential part of the one rule is the concept of consent. Unless your partner has clearly agreed to participate, then there is no consent. That includes using alcohol or drugs to lower inhibitions, and any form of coercion or forceful persuasion, like the old chestnut of saying “If you love me, you’ll do this for me.” It’s often argued that participants in BDSM activities will be saying no, or stop, as part of the game, and that’s perfectly true. If you enjoy this scene, then your consent is given before you begin, and if at any point during the process you want to stop, you use the pre-agreed safe word to signal to whoever you’re with that you’ve had enough. It isn’t the same as the consent process in non-BDSM sessions, but it functions in precisely the same way.
Do you really want to?
This is a complicated question because there are so many influencing factors that make up these decisions. If you are certain that you don’t want any part of what has been suggested, say no firmly and decisively. If you’re not sure, ask if you can talk about it and find out more before making a decision. If you’re conflicted, don’t agree just to please someone else, or impress them. Your body and mind are your own, and no-one has the right to make you do something you’re not comfortable with. You might find it helps to ask yourself how you would feel if your friends knew what you had done, or if there were photographs of you that might be seen by strangers. If the idea makes you cringe or feel horribly embarrassed, it’s a probably because you aren’t comfortable with the proposal. If on the other hand, you find the idea doesn’t worry you, that’s an indication that you don’t have the same reservations.
Developing a rewarding sexual partnership takes effort
Having a rewarding sex life within a monogamous relationship is something many people aspire to, but achieving it is far from simple. You might love someone dearly and find you are sexually incompatible or have an imbalance in libido between the two of you that leaves one partner frustrated and the other feeling under pressure. The only way to find true harmony with a regular partner is to be open and honest about your feelings and work at finding ways to please each other. Laying back in silence when your partner goes down on you and wishing they would do something differently is pointless martyrdom. You won’t feel satisfied, they won’t know what they’re doing wrong, and you won’t make any progress in your love life. There’s a pervasive fantasy that ideally suited lovers should instinctively know how to please each other without having to say a word, but this is basically baloney. You need to communicate with each other and work together to enjoy the most rewarding intimate relationship.
Communication
Being able to get your message across is fundamental to sexual relationships, yet so much of the time it gets left to subtle forms of body language that can be confusing or even go unnoticed. Good communication would help people avoid all manner of mix-ups and hurt feelings, so don’t underestimate its importance. There’s also the yuck factor, which is when one person suggests trying something they’d like to do, only for the other to say “Yuck, I’m not doing that!” The person who suggested it feels embarrassed and wishes they hadn’t said anything, and their partner wonders why this ever came up. What should happen in this situation is for the partner making the suggestion to be confident that their idea won’t be met with the yuck response, and the responding partner to ask questions about what is involved, why their partner is interested in trying it, and whether they would be willing to have a go or not. No-one should feel embarrassed or that they can’t say what’s on their mind, but be considerate to each other’s feelings when responding to what they’ve said. You are equal halves of this relationship, and both have rights to be happy and at ease, and responsibilities in caring for each other.
Spicing up your sex life
Unless you communicate effectively, you’ll never be able to try new things and experiment in the bedroom, because one or both of you will be too intimidated to suggest a new activity for fear of being shot down in flames. If you are confident in your sexuality, you’ll feel happy to suggest trying new things and coming up with some ideas. You’ll also be keen to hear what your partner suggests, and feel happy to discuss it with them. If you or your partner wants to experiment with a certain thing and the other person doesn’t find it appealing, try talking it over and doing some research, and you may be able to find a solution that works for both of you. In this instance, the Whizzinator could be the answer. This device simulates the act of urination, so you can experience the pleasurable aspects without the less pleasant ones. Whatever activity either of you comes up with, the other should be open-minded and not judgmental, but if an activity is definitely off the table, you should make it clear and be respected for your decision.
The world of alternative sexual pleasure
Sexual desires can be related to almost any kind of stimulation, depending on the way your brain works and the previous experiences you’ve had. There is an abundance of possible activities for people seeking something different from the regular dating and relationship scene, but the one rule still applies. If you want to dress up, perhaps, then as long as you’re both happy to do it, why shouldn’t you? Whatever fetish or fantasy you can imagine, there is probably a club or organization devoted to pursuing it. You may also find that indulging in your fantasies doesn’t bring you lasting satisfaction, which can be depressing or frustrating. Discussing your feelings with a therapist who specializes in sexuality could help you work out why you’re failing to find the rewards you’re seeking and help you resolve the issues behind your feelings. This is a better option than participating in increasingly risky behaviors in an effort to find satisfaction.
Being a sexually confident woman means having the self-respect to say no when you want to and expect to be respected for your decision. It also means you should feel able to explore any aspect of your sexuality you wish to, without feeling ashamed or regretful. Sexuality is a fundamental aspect of life and one that can be deeply rewarding and pleasurable. As a woman of the twenty-first century, you should feel liberated in your sexuality, and be supportive of those who are finding this freedom more of a challenge. Hopefully reading this article has helped in terms of understanding how to be a sexually confident woman.
The basic tenet of liberal sexuality is that providing the act is consensual and no-one is going to be hurt or involved against their will; then people should be free to explore their sexuality in any way they choose. So for example, a party where all the guests were attending of their own free will and able to choose what they did and didn’t want to do would be perfectly acceptable. On the other hand, a frat party where a group of guys took turns with a girl who had passed out drunk would be completely unacceptable. Not telling someone you have an STD before having sex would also break the rule, because you are putting them in harm’s way without their knowledge. Using this premise as a moral compass will give you the confidence to know where the limits are, and when you should always say no.
Consent
An essential part of the one rule is the concept of consent. Unless your partner has clearly agreed to participate, then there is no consent. That includes using alcohol or drugs to lower inhibitions, and any form of coercion or forceful persuasion, like the old chestnut of saying “If you love me, you’ll do this for me.” It’s often argued that participants in BDSM activities will be saying no, or stop, as part of the game, and that’s perfectly true. If you enjoy this scene, then your consent is given before you begin, and if at any point during the process you want to stop, you use the pre-agreed safe word to signal to whoever you’re with that you’ve had enough. It isn’t the same as the consent process in non-BDSM sessions, but it functions in precisely the same way.
Do you really want to?
This is a complicated question because there are so many influencing factors that make up these decisions. If you are certain that you don’t want any part of what has been suggested, say no firmly and decisively. If you’re not sure, ask if you can talk about it and find out more before making a decision. If you’re conflicted, don’t agree just to please someone else, or impress them. Your body and mind are your own, and no-one has the right to make you do something you’re not comfortable with. You might find it helps to ask yourself how you would feel if your friends knew what you had done, or if there were photographs of you that might be seen by strangers. If the idea makes you cringe or feel horribly embarrassed, it’s a probably because you aren’t comfortable with the proposal. If on the other hand, you find the idea doesn’t worry you, that’s an indication that you don’t have the same reservations.
Developing a rewarding sexual partnership takes effort
Having a rewarding sex life within a monogamous relationship is something many people aspire to, but achieving it is far from simple. You might love someone dearly and find you are sexually incompatible or have an imbalance in libido between the two of you that leaves one partner frustrated and the other feeling under pressure. The only way to find true harmony with a regular partner is to be open and honest about your feelings and work at finding ways to please each other. Laying back in silence when your partner goes down on you and wishing they would do something differently is pointless martyrdom. You won’t feel satisfied, they won’t know what they’re doing wrong, and you won’t make any progress in your love life. There’s a pervasive fantasy that ideally suited lovers should instinctively know how to please each other without having to say a word, but this is basically baloney. You need to communicate with each other and work together to enjoy the most rewarding intimate relationship.
Communication
Being able to get your message across is fundamental to sexual relationships, yet so much of the time it gets left to subtle forms of body language that can be confusing or even go unnoticed. Good communication would help people avoid all manner of mix-ups and hurt feelings, so don’t underestimate its importance. There’s also the yuck factor, which is when one person suggests trying something they’d like to do, only for the other to say “Yuck, I’m not doing that!” The person who suggested it feels embarrassed and wishes they hadn’t said anything, and their partner wonders why this ever came up. What should happen in this situation is for the partner making the suggestion to be confident that their idea won’t be met with the yuck response, and the responding partner to ask questions about what is involved, why their partner is interested in trying it, and whether they would be willing to have a go or not. No-one should feel embarrassed or that they can’t say what’s on their mind, but be considerate to each other’s feelings when responding to what they’ve said. You are equal halves of this relationship, and both have rights to be happy and at ease, and responsibilities in caring for each other.
Spicing up your sex life
Unless you communicate effectively, you’ll never be able to try new things and experiment in the bedroom, because one or both of you will be too intimidated to suggest a new activity for fear of being shot down in flames. If you are confident in your sexuality, you’ll feel happy to suggest trying new things and coming up with some ideas. You’ll also be keen to hear what your partner suggests, and feel happy to discuss it with them. If you or your partner wants to experiment with a certain thing and the other person doesn’t find it appealing, try talking it over and doing some research, and you may be able to find a solution that works for both of you. In this instance, the Whizzinator could be the answer. This device simulates the act of urination, so you can experience the pleasurable aspects without the less pleasant ones. Whatever activity either of you comes up with, the other should be open-minded and not judgmental, but if an activity is definitely off the table, you should make it clear and be respected for your decision.
The world of alternative sexual pleasure
Sexual desires can be related to almost any kind of stimulation, depending on the way your brain works and the previous experiences you’ve had. There is an abundance of possible activities for people seeking something different from the regular dating and relationship scene, but the one rule still applies. If you want to dress up, perhaps, then as long as you’re both happy to do it, why shouldn’t you? Whatever fetish or fantasy you can imagine, there is probably a club or organization devoted to pursuing it. You may also find that indulging in your fantasies doesn’t bring you lasting satisfaction, which can be depressing or frustrating. Discussing your feelings with a therapist who specializes in sexuality could help you work out why you’re failing to find the rewards you’re seeking and help you resolve the issues behind your feelings. This is a better option than participating in increasingly risky behaviors in an effort to find satisfaction.
Being a sexually confident woman means having the self-respect to say no when you want to and expect to be respected for your decision. It also means you should feel able to explore any aspect of your sexuality you wish to, without feeling ashamed or regretful. Sexuality is a fundamental aspect of life and one that can be deeply rewarding and pleasurable. As a woman of the twenty-first century, you should feel liberated in your sexuality, and be supportive of those who are finding this freedom more of a challenge. Hopefully reading this article has helped in terms of understanding how to be a sexually confident woman.
