French Kissin' in the USA
*Editor's Note: Some names changed or blocked out for privacy.
Hi! Sigh! Thoing! Bong! I am madly in love with Chris Barber. Every time I see Chris I go weak in the knees and practically drool with desire. My heart goes pitter patter and my eyes practically glaze and drop out. Kiss! Kiss kiss kiss! I have never thought about sex and boys before, although I have felt some warm glows a few times. I have never French kissed. I can’t imagine having sex, though. So eerie and weird. Oh well, I’ll probably find out SOMEDAY.
I went over to Angie’s to try and see Chris. He wasn’t there, but Nate and Justin were, and Nate asked me out. I said yes, but I really hate him. He Frenched me. I’m not kidding. I almost puked, too. I gotta break up with him or my self respect will go from my mouth to his mouth, down his throat, through his tummy, out his dink, and away down the toilet and into the sewer. Away, away, away!
[I broke up with him the next day.]
June 8, 1986
Chris asked me out. I think the next time he asks me, I’ll say yes. I’m sitting with him on the bus tomorrow. “I’m On Fire” by Bruce Springsteen is on the radio. That’s a good song.
Luv U Always,
I did say yes, apparently, although that is not covered in the diary...we just go into this:
July 1, 1986
I miss Chris SO much. He is coming back either Sat or Sun. When he comes back, I will give him a big kiss, right on the lips. I wouldn’t, but I could picture myself and him Frenching. But don’t tell anyone.
Love U Always,
You know, Chris always says I’m beautiful, but if I’m so beautiful, why haven’t any other boys asked me out...except Nate and he’s so dumb you can’t count him!! Well, I’m sort of glad no one asked me out, because then I’d have said no to Chris, and Chris is so sweet and nice. This relationship seems pretty stable. Chris is a head shorter than me, but he is so funny and sweet and good-looking, it doesn’t really matter. I was so at war with myself for a while. It was so dumb, but Chris really turned it all around. I would have survived anyway, probably, but he sure helped.
This entry ends with a poem:
I have smelled the sweet perfume of love
I have tasted the bitter berries of hardship
I have basked in the warm beams of friendship
I’ve experienced many things
But I am dumb to many other things
I’ve many years to go
Before I am wise in the ways of the world.
Background: Andy was a mean bully that always gave me a hard time. Important note: his parents owned a farm.
August 5, 1986
I just read a book, “Breaking Up” by Norma Klein, and in the end the girl, Alison, who’s 15, does it with her boyfriend. So I got to thinking about Chris. Do you think we might actually GO ALL THE WAY?! IN A FEW YEARS, OF COURSE! I won’t until I’m probably at least 14, and I wouldn’t do it without birth control. I have only French kissed once, which is pretty stupid to do if you’re only ten and a half. It was with Nathan in March. HE did it and I almost puked. If I did it with Chris, though, I’d most likely enjoy it.
August 14, 1986
I hope Andy reads one of my million dollar novels when he’s an old farmer. I’ll be living with Chris in a chic penthouse in New York City. Also with a kid which was born before I had to take birth control pills from us having sex so much, but I wanted a kid. Plus we’ll own my 7 year old dog Cyrus, plus a Siamese cat, plus a tank of fish. Ha, ha Andy! Poor Jen (his girlfriend)! She’ll have to live in a 100 year old Colonial with old dresses and pale lipstick on ALL THE TIME! IF she doesn’t marry Andy, I’ll give her an apartment right below mine. She can become rich by dancing and marry a nice, cute, SENSITIVE guy.
August 25, 1986
Tonight was such a blast! All the kids around here played flashlight tag! Chris was chasing me and he said “I’m gonna kiss you!” “Oh, goody!” I said and slowed WAY down. He grabbed me and (get this!) FRENCHED ME! IT WAS WONDERFUL!
[lots of hearts]
Chris broke up with me almost immediately after the Frenching incident; apparently he didn’t think it was so wonderful, and who could blame him? We were ten! Luckily, with my bad first experience and my wonderful second experience behind me and my self-respect intact, my face spent the next few years stuck back in the Sweet Dreams books where it (sort of) belonged.